Relationships collide
Nov. 11th, 2003 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaneramosI received a strange phone call from a close friend this morning. His relationship has had some problems, but I thought things had improved in the past couple of years. Apparently not.
He called because this morning his partner walked into his office and saw a photo of a strange man on his computer and asked who it was. My friend lied: "It's Van's new boyfriend."
Nobody will believe this. He plans to come clean today, but meanwhile he was afraid his partner would email me about it. In fact the partner has done so, even as I write this. I told my friend I wouldn't lie for him, but he didn't expect me to. It was a gushing, pathetic phone call. By turning to me as a confidant he tried to make me feel better about being drawn into his problem. Unfortunately, there seems to be more to the story, which I haven't heard yet.
What bothered me most was his disregard for my relationship with Danny. When I told him, "You have already met my boyfriend," he pointed out that Danny has a partner, and started questioning my motives.
In fact, I have never called Danny my boyfriend (I only said it to make a point). This is a new kind of relationship for both of us (my first important one since I started to identify as polyamorous), but it's only my third romantic relationship with a guy that has lasted more than three months. I'm usually plagued with confusion about my feelings, but not about this sweet man. I'm happy and comfortable around him. He is gentle and kind, and brings out qualities I like in myself. I miss him, without feeling lost while we're apart. I adore him. It's that simple.
What's more, the important people in Danny's life are more than supportive. We have nothing to hide.
I only wish my people showed as much understanding.
The friend I spoke with this morning has not been happy in his relationship for several years. He has been going to bathhouses and now, it seems, having an online romance, and lying about it to his partner. I don't blame him for that. He isn't getting the kind of attention he wants. They have big problems to work out, with hurt on both sides, and I will try to be there for them.
But while his love life is troubled and dishonest, he is in no position to discount my choice of relationship. It reminds me of the Ogden Nash poem:
He called because this morning his partner walked into his office and saw a photo of a strange man on his computer and asked who it was. My friend lied: "It's Van's new boyfriend."
Nobody will believe this. He plans to come clean today, but meanwhile he was afraid his partner would email me about it. In fact the partner has done so, even as I write this. I told my friend I wouldn't lie for him, but he didn't expect me to. It was a gushing, pathetic phone call. By turning to me as a confidant he tried to make me feel better about being drawn into his problem. Unfortunately, there seems to be more to the story, which I haven't heard yet.
What bothered me most was his disregard for my relationship with Danny. When I told him, "You have already met my boyfriend," he pointed out that Danny has a partner, and started questioning my motives.
In fact, I have never called Danny my boyfriend (I only said it to make a point). This is a new kind of relationship for both of us (my first important one since I started to identify as polyamorous), but it's only my third romantic relationship with a guy that has lasted more than three months. I'm usually plagued with confusion about my feelings, but not about this sweet man. I'm happy and comfortable around him. He is gentle and kind, and brings out qualities I like in myself. I miss him, without feeling lost while we're apart. I adore him. It's that simple.
What's more, the important people in Danny's life are more than supportive. We have nothing to hide.
I only wish my people showed as much understanding.
The friend I spoke with this morning has not been happy in his relationship for several years. He has been going to bathhouses and now, it seems, having an online romance, and lying about it to his partner. I don't blame him for that. He isn't getting the kind of attention he wants. They have big problems to work out, with hurt on both sides, and I will try to be there for them.
But while his love life is troubled and dishonest, he is in no position to discount my choice of relationship. It reminds me of the Ogden Nash poem:
Cuckoos lead Bohemian lives,But is this cynicism or jealousy?
They fail as husbands and as wives,
Therefore they cynically disparage
Everybody else’s marriage.
