One year on LJ

[vaneramos]

One year ago today vaneramos joined LiveJournal and the world (at least his world) has never been the same. To mark this occasion we are publishing an interview with Van. And where else?

Why on earth did you join LJ?

About five years ago I used to contribute to a web site called Themestream, which actually paid you every time someone viewed one of your postings. Not only was it a nice way to earn a little money, but it fostered a community of writers who read and commented on one another's work. When the internet economy crashed, Themestream folded overnight. The community went into a frenzy as friends searched anxiously for one another's email addresses and found other ways of staying in touch. I joined an email distribution group, and for several years we carried on active, sometimes controversial, discussions about writing. One day one of my friends on the list told us she had been in touch with another ex-TSer whom most of us remembered, lisalemonjello, and that she was hanging out on a web site called LiveJournal. It looked like one of the best places on the internet to post and receive comments on writing.

My poetry writing had flagged. I knew I tended to write more when I got feedback, so I decided to join LiveJournal with the intention of writing and posting new poems regularly. It turned out another member of the email group, stephe, had recently joined LJ. He gave me an invite code and, three days after discovering LJ, I joined and posted my first new poem, Medicine dance.

Has your output of poetry increased since then?

Not really.

Has LiveJournal been a waste of time?

Frequently I spend more time than I can afford, but on the other hand it has benefited my life in many ways.

Did you know what you were getting yourself into?

No. I had no idea what a huge gay community existed on LJ. For that matter it has the largest community of bears I had ever encountered. I knew I was attracted to bears (large, hirsute gay men) ever since I came out of the closet, but never had much opportunity to interact with them until I joined LJ. This also started connecting me with another group I had sought unsuccessfully: gay writers and artists. However, I resist putting myself in a community that is uniform, superficial or overly focused on sex. LJ lets me connect with a diverse group of people.

We're talking about a virtual community here. What difference does it make in real life?

Don't dismiss virtual communities. People in Western society are increasingly isolated, but the internet provides different opportunities for relationships. The way my 12-year-old daughter dresses and the music she listens to have been influenced by people she talks to online. I could let that disturb me, or I could appreciate the fact that she has friends and is entertaining new ideas. The fact that my experience is similar makes it easier to accept. We're social creatures. It's better for us to make these connections than be alone. Besides, LJ has become part of my real-life community as I have met 14 people on my friends list, and expect to meet at least four more in the next several months. My own life has changed significantly in the past year as a result of joining LJ. It has inspired me to start taking photography seriously again. I also finished the draft of a first novel with the encouragement of other LJ writers participating in NaNoWriMo. Most important, I met djjo through LJ, and it's the first stable relationship I have had in years. Getting to know people on LJ has also helped me get a handle on polyamory, which I had thought about before but hardly discussed with anyone.

LJ sounds absolutely wonderful.

It has its downsides. The relationship dynamics are confusing. Most of my life I have felt like an outsider looking in at the world. I thought I was a better communicator in writing, but here I still have trouble. I don't know how to navigate the protocols from someone adding me to their friends list (or vice versa), to getting to know them, to transcending the barrier of superficiality, to understanding the kinks in communication. My pet peeve is when people express intense enthusiasm and then turn cold, apparently because I failed to reciprocate the emotions. I don't do online infatuation. I try to avoid drama, too. One of the most important lessons I have learned about LJ is not to take it too seriously.

What do you like best about LJ?

The photography, the opportunity to post and get feedback on my own creative work, and a handful of genuine friendships I have forged.

Who is your favourite LJer?

Uh, duh!

Which LJer would you choose to write your biography?

ghostsandrobots.

Quick: word association. Zebra?

Finch.

Bitter?

Lawngnome.

Leaf?

Miner.

Do you ever add anyone to your friends list just because he's hot?

Wouldn't that be shallow?

You didn't answer my question. How many people on your friends list would you have sex with if you had the chance?

Is this one of those stupid memes?

What's your favourite colour: black, vermilion, shiny silver, creamy purple or electric brown?

Get out of here.

Can I take your picture first?

Alright.

Will you take your shirt off?

Okay.

Now undo the top two buttons of your fly.

Like this?

Ha, I knew it! I just wanted to prove what a comment whore you are. I'm not going to take your picture.

This is my journal. If you won't take a picture I can post an old one.

It's my journal, too.

I said get out of here.

Sorry, I've got the keyboard. Hey, let go! That's it. You're gone.

Comments

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

LOL!
I'm really glad you're here, Van.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Likewise, Lisa. Smiles and hugs.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

oh, themestream! i had a little set of writings there, not much to talk about but fun. it was sad when it went phlooey. i lost a few things i had stored there.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The person who got me interested in LJ was missprune, who I miss terribly since she stopped posting. One of my poems is published in one of her books. I used to see your comments on her posts, but didn't realize that you might have known her on TS?

Re: HUGS and LOVE

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The journalist had intended to ask which LJers I would like to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but the interview was already going downhill. ;-)

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

no, there's no one on lj that i used to know there. i followed a compuserve friend to TS. the other day i wrote a note to missprune's lj address but never heard back. i miss her too.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I have just tried another email address I have for her. I'll let you know if I hear any news.

Re: HUGS and LOVE

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Oh crap, it's the Breaksfast Food Gang!

Run!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

That was quick! I received a nice reply. She sounds well, though apprehensive about the impending empty nest.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

oh good! i'm glad to know she's doing all right. thanks so much for passing the word along. :)

Re: HUGS and LOVE

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

"HUGS and LOVE" is pretty syrupy, can pancakes be far behind?

(BTW have I mentioned lately, Van has a terrific ass?)

strength mixed with tenderness, fired by passion

[ranger1.livejournal.com]

Happy anniversary, wonderful man. Keep those inspired musings coming.

viz:

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Have I ever mentioned that, in one of my chronic bouts of low self-esteem, I originally hesitated about adding you as a friend (um ... I *think* I added you first, maybe not ...) because I kept thinking to myself "Oh, this guy is SO handsome, and writes SO well, and blah blah blah, he won't want to talk to ME." Those user pics you were using at the time were so ... so ... woofy.

I am REALLY shallow. I thought you wrote well and said interesting things, but I admit I added you primarily because you're hot stuff.

Jeez, sweet man, has it only been a year? I must have picked up on you pretty fast. I do have the most astonishing good luck sometimes.

Your interview ends in the most hilarious way. I'd get all jealous of how you segued into silliness so effortlessly if I didn't know that you're just you, in all your wonderfulness.

Re: viz:

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness! *faints*

Re: HUGS and LOVE

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

....or who I would have with coffee.

Re: viz:

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Good thing I didn't post the WHOLE picture, then.

Re: viz:

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

We're talking dinner there, but I don't know if I could swallow it.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

*giggles* This is great...love the schizo moment.

I haven't known you that long, but you're one of my favorite reads on here. Your posts never fail to move me in some way -- to laugh, cry, think, observe -- and for that, I am thankful.

You've come a long way, baby...and I ain't talkin' Virginia Slims, either.

May future years bring you more and more good.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Leaf? ... Miner.

I suppose you deliberately set us up to expect "Shimmer".

Let me add my voice to the chorus: you're one of the things I like best about LJ. I think you are the first LJer that I didn't already know (either in person or electronically) that I added to my Friends list.

[roosterbear.livejournal.com]

Don't dismiss virtual communities.

I feel the same way. For me, Usenet used to fill this weird void in my life, being a place to connect with people where it was all about the content, and not necessarily about my social skills (or lack thereof), or what I was wearing (or not wearing). Unfortunately, my connection to those old haunts has been sporadic at best, and as people come in and out of them they've morphed into something quite different than what I remembered. Or maybe I've morphed into someone who doesn't get as much out of those old forums. Or maybe a little of both.

Now I see myself using LJ in that context. For me, anyway, I don't always do well in live social situations, or go as deeply, because I often need some time to consider my thoughts and reaction before expressing them. This medium is perfect for that. I don't pretend that it replaces live, in person contact; it is a new kind of connection that we've created for ourselves, and it has its advantages and disadvantages, just like any other medium.

Anyway: happy anniversary, sweet man. I am really glad to have the opportunity to connect with you here.

Re: HUGS and LOVE

[roosterbear.livejournal.com]

(BTW have I mentioned lately, Van has a terrific ass?)

Um, goodness! Literally and figuratively. Thank you so so much for, erm, elaborating.

[cowboygreg.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're here with us. Your gift for expressing yourself never fails to pique my interest. Your photographs are amazingly evocative.

Oh, yeah, you're also one hell of a woofy guy. With a great ass. :)

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

You just let me know when you're ready for that biography. I feel honored.

And you go with your fresh self!

Re: strength mixed with tenderness, fired by passion

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the kind words. I'll do my best to keep at it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I've tried to figure out when you and I started talking. I'll have to look through sometime, but if it happened the way you say, it's possible we had added one another before the first comments appeared. I know you weren't one of the first, Pete, but you're one of the closest.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

If you liked my schizo moment, you might enjoy my interview with Cher. I have talked to a few other celebrities in my head, like Bruce Willis and Jesus. ;-)

Glad to know you, Stephen, and I hope to know you better.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you for those words. You have been a steady friend over the year. Scatter-brained as I am, I appreciate the consistency and feel supported by it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I never used Usenet, but almost mentioned experiences with chat rooms in this post. When I first came out in 1996, a gay "talker" helped me get to know people and overcome my internalized homophobia. It was a great way to get to know people without the trappings, but alas chat rooms have lost that character and I haven't used one in years.

It sounds like we have more in common than I had realized. I have the same problem communicating verbally, so I prefer writing. I must admit I don't always find LJ easy, it fact it stresses me out at times. Mostly because I don't always have the energy to keep up what I consider "my end" of relationships. I mean I wish I had more concentration and patience for keeping up with other people's journals.

Thanks for your comments, and I hope we continue to get to know each other.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Likewise, at least I haven't seen your ass yet, but what I have seen is woofy. ;-)

Thanks for joining.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

When I get a few more years of accomplishment and maybe some success as a writer, I hope you'll be around to record it. ;-)

[fredli.livejournal.com]

Hi, Van. You've been on my friends list since I started (hope you don't mind.) Thanks for the photos and good writing.

Re: viz:

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

hahahaha, boy am I glad I checked the comments on this post!

Bill, I tried to get a certain furry Faery to show me the CD from that day's shoot. something kept coming up to distract me and we never got around to it. My next visit, perhaps...

Do I smell cinnamon? there's definitely some buns in here, and I know somebody mentioned breakfast...

licking lips, Shimmer

[roosterbear.livejournal.com]

I have the same problem communicating verbally, so I prefer writing.

I don't always have a problem communicating verbally myself, particularly one on one, but I tend to fade into the background with groups of people I don't know and go into observer mode, and I also tend to need some time to put my words together, particularly if it's not a fluffy subject. I am not at all good at reacting spontaneously to a question, perhaps because I had to be so careful about my word choice around my mom when I was growing up and I've maintained that habit of selecting my words carefully.

Mostly because I don't always have the energy to keep up what I consider "my end" of relationships. I mean I wish I had more concentration and patience for keeping up with other people's journals.

Man, I know what you mean. I've lost count of the number of times I've gotten behind on my friends page, and I have a tendency to beat myself up for it when I miss something important.

I also look forward to continuing the process of getting to know each other. *hug*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I don't mind, that's why most of my posts are public. I just took a look at yours and was impressed with the owl story, so I've added you, too. I've seen Eastern screech owls, and heard barred, short-eared and Northern saw-whet owls, but never the great horned in the wild.

Re: viz:

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Did Bill see your comment? I certainly wouldn't begrudge you a copy of that CD. I had a rather rousing fantasy looking back over those pics myself yesterday morning.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

One on one is different. If I feel comfortable with a person I can blather on endlessly, but I'm the same as you in group settings.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

I feel so inadequate after reading all the other responses—gotta remember to hit the "comment on this" link and then read the other comments after posting mine—everything I wanted to say has been said so much better than how I could have said it. Just the same, I'm always delighted by your writing and your photos—my life is better because of what you do...who you are. Thank you.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I usually comment first, read later. I'm amazed at how often a friend's photo inspires the same words from different people.

It means a lot to me that my posts affect you that way.

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

Me too. :)