Bandage bondage

The worst thing about the bandage on my belly is the tape. My nurse says many patients feel that way.

Getting it torn off your skin and hair every day is painful. The bandage covers almost a square foot of my stomach. Initially the nurses taped it all around the edges. My skin kept itching under the tape. It was far more uncomfortable than the wounds themselves.

After a few days we switched to an old-fashioned system that works better. The nurse taped two pairs of cloth straps on each side of my belly where the skin isn't as hairy and doesn't get itchy underneath. We tie the straps across the new bandage each day, holding it in place. These tapes last until wear-and-tear rubs them off, about 10 days.

But the bandage still has to be taped at the top to prevent it from sliding down, out from under the straps. This tape, that still gets changed every day, is what hurts. Unfortunately the skin at the top of my belly is the most tender. The tape itself comes off easily enough, but its stickum does not. I have to wash it with adhesive remover left over from when I had the colostomy (it was fastened to my belly and had to be replaced once a week). The remover stings my skin. Then I have to rub it with a rough washcloth and soap. By the time I get the tape off, my skin is red and sore. I can't even put lotion on it, or the new tape won't stick.

I shouldn't have to put up with this much longer. Of the four openings in my incision, three have already filled in and two have begun to scab over. Only one needs to be packed with fresh gauze every day. Soon that will be finished and I can change the dressings myself until the sores are closed.

But I will miss the homecare nurses. Cathy and Sharon are friendly and have useful advice for every problem I run into. I don't mind their morning visits. I only hate the tape.

~~~~

New development: because the uppermost wound is healing so well, the nurse decided it can be left uncovered. So this morning we reduced the size of my dressing and removed one pair of straps. Now I can probably manage without any extra tape. And the bandage fits under a pair of loose shorts, so I don't have to roll the waistband down. My skin says yay!

I can hardly wait to fit into my good old jeans. It has been so long! Yesterday I rolled over and lay flat on my belly for the first time in six months. It felt wonderful. The things we take for granted!

Siren

I am the siren:
I need to find lyrics
for the perilous tune in my head.

It calls to sailors.
They forget their paths on the sea.
It draws their ships to founder
and sink near these rocks.
Men go down
swallowing mysterious waters.

A thousand love stories fall silent
on a thousand pairs of lips
in an endless place of death.

If I could find words
for the song in my head
I might turn the tide of destruction.

Men fall asleep in the depths
but I am the lost one.

~~~~

This journal has compelled me to start writing poetry again at last. But how dark it all is! I'm not used to this and don't know what it means. The problem with poetry is I have no choice. It comes from somewhere else. I just open a notebook, hold the pen on the page and let it move. It's something like Annie Dillard described in Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, putting herself in the path of light. You can't go out expecting to find the light. All you can do is walk around outside and wait for what comes to you.