Beyond mysticism

Yesterday, on a hunch, I analyzed my poetic output over the past 10 years. The results enlightened ideas and impressions I have wanted to pull together for a long time, some of which I have touched upon in this journal previously. The statement started to coalesce in my morning pages today, and then I wrote this personal essay. It is the most coherent and important expression of personal belief I have made in years. I hope some of you will see it through to the end, and I look forward to your responses.

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In late 1995, my marriage suffered its final throes as I struggled through the most acute depression of my life. While clinging to long-cherished values and beliefs and enduring emotional chastisement from people I loved and respected, I came to terms with my own identity, including my sexuality and other aspects of self-expression. During that period my religious experience went through a startling metamorphosis.

My old church taught that we could each have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I had a series of religious visions which verged on, but fell short of, being visual, tactile and auditory. I believed they were real.

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For the self-righteous

From Beth Quinn for the Times Herald-Record

Vow to Quit Meddling

Owens Corning fibreglass plant

There is another image in texture.

Another photographer was taking a picture of the line of posts along the edge of the parking lot in Lyon Park.

"Wonderful light, isn't it?" I said, startling him. We conversed briefly and he showed me his camera.

It would have been so unlike me to address a stranger that way up until three weeks ago. I have to get a light box. I don't know why I put up with having so little energy for four months of the year.

Wait a minute. I do know why. Because I believe it's a natural phenomenon, not a disorder.

But now that I have this vigour, I don't want to lose it again. For reasons to complicated to explain right now, I have never experienced this return of spring energy in such a positive way. I want a light box.

And now I'm going to have a shower so I can go shoot some pool with Jon.