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Coming home
Apr. 5th, 2004 08:25 pmFor years I have had mixed feelings about coming home from Toronto. Home can be lonely, and nowadays I miss Danny between visits. When I feel anxious, it can overwhelm my solitude. But here is also the place where I regenerate, refocus and do creative work that's important to me.
The past couple of weeks were particularly difficult, but perhaps that was inevitable. I have come to a little deeper understanding of myself, who I am and what I need and want. For the first time in a year I have renewed my meditation practice, which both challenges and grounds me. I have been sleeping better than normal. I have had more energy and determination to look for opportunities, which has brought me face to face with my fears. Sometimes things have to get harder before they get better.
It was a bright, cold afternoon. As I prepare to post this image, I realize the bus was about to pass directly under Danny's office when I shot this photo from my seat. I don't know the name of the church. The round building beyond is Roy Thomson Hall, where Toronto Symphony Orchestra holds its concerts.
As we pulled up the ramp onto Gardiner Expressway, a sign informed me the temperature was -1°C (31°F).
Walking up the front stairs and unlocking my apartment door, I felt cautious optimism. I have several important calls to make and evening meetings in the next couple of days. This will be a short week, because I'll be renting a car on Thursday morning to pick up my daughters for Easter weekend.
For years I have recognized the importance of committing quality time to myself. Recent events have reinforced this knowledge. I plan to devote most of Tuesday and Wednesday to some creative work. Tonight I'll make a list of things I want to do.
My Kalanchoe is blooming.
It was one plant in a basket arrangement Les brought me in the hospital in October 2002. In March last year, a few days before I went back for more abdominal surgery, I took them all out and potted them separately. The others were all easy growers. A couple books on houseplants recommended discarding and replacing Kalanchoe after it blooms. I didn't, even though it looked mousy and I have a purple thumb with houseplants. Instead, I abandoned it for a year beside the crown-of-thorns in the hot and cold southwest window. Look what happened.
I start to feel mousy at times, but I'm a stubborn survivor, too.
The past couple of weeks were particularly difficult, but perhaps that was inevitable. I have come to a little deeper understanding of myself, who I am and what I need and want. For the first time in a year I have renewed my meditation practice, which both challenges and grounds me. I have been sleeping better than normal. I have had more energy and determination to look for opportunities, which has brought me face to face with my fears. Sometimes things have to get harder before they get better.
It was a bright, cold afternoon. As I prepare to post this image, I realize the bus was about to pass directly under Danny's office when I shot this photo from my seat. I don't know the name of the church. The round building beyond is Roy Thomson Hall, where Toronto Symphony Orchestra holds its concerts.
As we pulled up the ramp onto Gardiner Expressway, a sign informed me the temperature was -1°C (31°F).
Walking up the front stairs and unlocking my apartment door, I felt cautious optimism. I have several important calls to make and evening meetings in the next couple of days. This will be a short week, because I'll be renting a car on Thursday morning to pick up my daughters for Easter weekend.
For years I have recognized the importance of committing quality time to myself. Recent events have reinforced this knowledge. I plan to devote most of Tuesday and Wednesday to some creative work. Tonight I'll make a list of things I want to do.
My Kalanchoe is blooming.
It was one plant in a basket arrangement Les brought me in the hospital in October 2002. In March last year, a few days before I went back for more abdominal surgery, I took them all out and potted them separately. The others were all easy growers. A couple books on houseplants recommended discarding and replacing Kalanchoe after it blooms. I didn't, even though it looked mousy and I have a purple thumb with houseplants. Instead, I abandoned it for a year beside the crown-of-thorns in the hot and cold southwest window. Look what happened.
I start to feel mousy at times, but I'm a stubborn survivor, too.
