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Jun. 4th, 2004
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Embattled love
Jun. 4th, 2004 01:27 pmToday a friend posted an account of how he fell in love with his wife, and what outside abuse they experienced together because of it. Their relationship broke her culture's traditions and her relatives set out to punish them for it. The story reminded me that gays are not the only people who face prejudice because of who they love.
In defending homosexuality, many people quickly point to research suggesting it is genetically based, but the results are far from conclusive. On the other hand, anti-gay psychology depends on developmental causes that supposedly can be counteracted, despite a lack of evidence that people can change their orientation at will.
Sexual preference probably arises from a variety of factors. Recently I have considered whether I might be bisexual. Past experiences have caused me to feel certain aversion to emotional intimacy with women. This is not true of all gay men, but in my case it could be argued that my orientation has arisen partly from psychological causes. As I experience healthier and happier friendships with women, the possibility of heterosexual attraction does not feel as remote as it once did.
Still I choose to love men because I like it better. So what if it's a choice?
Since our ancestors descended from the trees and slouched into their smoky caves, humans have set up legal systems and religions forbidding all kinds of harmless acts. Our world still holds taboos against loving people of a different race or the same sex, or loving more than one person. These rules have nothing to do with human nature or harmonious community, only with establishing a heirarchy of power. The institution of marriage submits to this authority. No relationship should be accorded privileges, excepting a child's relationship with his or her parents.
I have chosen to love a man and hope our relationship will continue for the rest of my life. I don't care whether this choice is ordained by my DNA or a consequence of early childhood experiences. To love him is as valuable as loving anyone else.
I have other people with whom I experience lesser emotional and sexual attachments. Likely other relationships will someday rise to eminent levels and play significant roles in my life. Cultural heritage suggests polyamory is immoral or abnormal, but nature persuades me otherwise.
Integrity and respect seem like useful tools for conduct. Within those constraints I expect to break the rules shamelessly. But shame is another matter, difficult to recognize and overcome in all its forms. It's the most obscure power society enacts against the individual.
In defending homosexuality, many people quickly point to research suggesting it is genetically based, but the results are far from conclusive. On the other hand, anti-gay psychology depends on developmental causes that supposedly can be counteracted, despite a lack of evidence that people can change their orientation at will.
Sexual preference probably arises from a variety of factors. Recently I have considered whether I might be bisexual. Past experiences have caused me to feel certain aversion to emotional intimacy with women. This is not true of all gay men, but in my case it could be argued that my orientation has arisen partly from psychological causes. As I experience healthier and happier friendships with women, the possibility of heterosexual attraction does not feel as remote as it once did.
Still I choose to love men because I like it better. So what if it's a choice?
Since our ancestors descended from the trees and slouched into their smoky caves, humans have set up legal systems and religions forbidding all kinds of harmless acts. Our world still holds taboos against loving people of a different race or the same sex, or loving more than one person. These rules have nothing to do with human nature or harmonious community, only with establishing a heirarchy of power. The institution of marriage submits to this authority. No relationship should be accorded privileges, excepting a child's relationship with his or her parents.
I have chosen to love a man and hope our relationship will continue for the rest of my life. I don't care whether this choice is ordained by my DNA or a consequence of early childhood experiences. To love him is as valuable as loving anyone else.
I have other people with whom I experience lesser emotional and sexual attachments. Likely other relationships will someday rise to eminent levels and play significant roles in my life. Cultural heritage suggests polyamory is immoral or abnormal, but nature persuades me otherwise.
Integrity and respect seem like useful tools for conduct. Within those constraints I expect to break the rules shamelessly. But shame is another matter, difficult to recognize and overcome in all its forms. It's the most obscure power society enacts against the individual.