Anxiety work

Mergansers: a familiar summer sight at Lake Fletcher


I have tried four SSRI antidepressants. Zoloft (1995) and Effexor (1996) made me agitated. Paxil (1996 to 2001) sometimes made me drowsy and contributed to two car accidents. Celexa (2005) made me sluggish, disoriented and depressed.

On Monday I told Dr. J I don't want to attempt any additional drugs besides Remeron for now, because the anxiety group starts next week. Finally, after seeking group therapy for more than a year, I have found an opportunity. Meetings will take place on the far side of town every Wednesday afternoon until June 29.

Yesterday I purchased the text, The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne. Chapter one includes a description of various anxiety disorders and a diagnostic questionnaire. According to this, I have three distinct conditions: generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social phobia. All this besides depression.

The strongest indication is for GAD. Besides frequent worry, I experience all six additional symptoms: restlessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension and difficulty sleeping. Remeron relieves them somewhat. Another one of the treatments listed is distraction: "talking to a friend, journaling, listening to music, gardening, exercise, puzzle solving, arts and crafts, cooking, and the Internet." All things I enjoy immensely.

Cordelia in pink

A group of six girls at Marian's school will perform a light version of King Lear with a happy ending. Marian plays the role of Cordelia. She was curious about the real story. It's one of the few Shakespeare plays I hardly know, so I Googled a synopsis while we were talking on the phone tonight and read it to her. She likes the original better.

"Internecine and convoluted," I described it.

She still remembers the story about how I described the escalators in The Bay department store as internecine, when the word I wanted was tortuous. Marian is famous among teachers and students for her large, colourful vocabulary. It's hereditary.

In the role of Cordelia she wears a poofy pink dress.

"I scared some little kids today," she said. "I walked by their classroom, and one of them said, 'Come look at Marian, she's wearing a dress.' And they screamed."

"So you're getting shock value by going in girl drag," I said. Then we were hysterical for a while.

She wants to see a real Shakespeare play at Stratford this summer. I'm suggesting a tragedy.