Conspiracy, fatigue

I'm really tired. It hit me last night physically, and I knew sleep would help. But I've been getting enough of that. This tiredness is mostly a longing for solitude. The time with Marian is going great, but there are too many of my own things I want to work on.

We went to see The Da Vinci Code last night, reasonably good entertainment. Twice I threw my hands up reflexively in front of my face, kind of embarrassing in a theatre. The best part was watching Audrey Tautou with her dark pool eyes. Tom Hanks has irritated me too many times, and it's hard to forgive. Neither of us have read the book. Marian found the plot predictable. I just found it confusing; can't get into the fast pace of movies anymore. Actually, I assumed the heroes had figured out the mystery much earlier and were simply avoiding acknowledgement, so the revelation in the crypt underwhelmed me. As for the final scene, so what? I don't particularly care what happened between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. It doesn't make his teachings any more or less relevant today. Foucault's Pendulum made every ridiculous speculation I care to entertain (and then some) about secret orders and conspiracies, and quite rightly made fun of itself. The Code takes itself too seriously, and I've no desire to read it.

This afternoon I have a wedding. Weddings aren't my thing, especially straight ones, but I want to be supportive to my friend. And I'm looking forward to making a date out of it with another friend Crystal, who was also invited. Going to the Pride parade tomorrow with Marian should also be fun.

But what I really need is a different kind of day.

Crystal

It's the fantasy of many a gay man to attend a party with the most fabulous woman in the room hanging off his arm (apart from the bride of course). Today I was that lucky guy, the envy of even a few straight women. I must have a thing for high school math teachers, because Crystal is one.

She commented that with her college level math classes (in Canada that refers to vocational college) she usually spends more time at the beginning of the year getting to know the students, so they will like her. Some people criticize that approach, she said, but if they like her they will work harder. Who the teacher likes doesn't matter.

On the drive home tonight, it hit me: in elementary and high school I liked most of my teachers (except for a few duds), and always had straight A's. At university it was harder to get to know my instructors, and my marks sank to B's. I still did better in seminar-type courses, which fostered discussion. When I went to college for journalism, the classes were much smaller, and I excelled again. To this day I have trouble applying myself unless my performance or contribution is appreciated by someone. I'm glad Crystal's comment highlighted this quality. I could try to change my motivation, but would probably get further by figuring how to make it work for me.

Oh yes, the bride was lovely too!

( Lisa and Tom )