Good post day; Remeron update

[vaneramos]

The planets must have been aligned right. My friends pages always offer good reading, but today the content was exceptional. I want to highlight three posts.

♥ everything's coming up roses, a poem by daisydumont: words to live by.

♥ Bear icons: Whitman and Thoreau, commentary on two of my favourite writers, by lowfatmuffin

♥ dear jim henson, a tribute by ghostsandrobots



Paeonia

~~~~~~~~~~

It has been a week since I started taking Remeron. Despite some initial qualms I'm feeling positive about it. During the first few days, besides that strange sense of detachment I already mentioned, I experienced some irritability and restlessness. By Monday that had subsided, and given way to more positive effects.

The most obvious benefit is that I'm sleeping more. Normally I only get six hours or less per night, but for the past week I've been sleeping at least eight. I need to adjust my routine, because I always go to bed around 1 a.m. so I have been sleeping until almost 10. That won't work very well, particularly during the summer. Over the next few nights I want to try moving bedtime up to 10:30 p.m. It won't come easily to me.

With this extra sleep, it's obvious to me that I should already have more energy and interest for creative work, not to mention feeling less anxious. And indeed I have. I don't buy the argument that these changes can't happen so quickly and I might be imagining them. To a marginal insomniac, more rest equals feeling better.

On the other hand, Remeron is more than a sleeping pill. Whether it can help me change the things I must, remains to be seen.

This morning I had to phone the plumber to come fix my kitchen tap. He was obviously busy and spoke abruptly. I immediately experienced a stab of anxiety, but it didn't get me down for long. He said he couldn't come until tomorrow. I said that would be fine.

One of the Rules my family had was: "Don't bother anyone. Stay out of the way." I have stories about that. One of my most deeply rooted fears is of causing trouble or inconvenience.

I need to get in the way when it's called for, like calling the plumber to do his job. It can be unpleasant at times, I'm sure, but that's his chosen profession, and my landlord pays him to fix my pipes. I had to remind myself: It's not my fault the tap started running last night.

And I can stop worrying about it now.




Eramosa River Park, this afternoon

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

thank you for the mention, van! that's really nice of you. :)

i'm glad the remeron is helping you sleep. lack of sleep is so draining (i'm chronically under-rested). i hope you get all rested up and feel better in many ways.

"One of my most deeply rooted fears is of causing trouble or inconvenience." oh, mine too. i have a terrible time asking for help or "bothering" other people (i hate to call people on the phone, sure they won't want to talk to me).

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Poetry is underrated, DD, and that one has something important to say. I don't want to suggest that all poems should have an important message. Some of my favourites merely create vivid images (I like how Zig does that!). Maybe message poems are easier for the more people to relate to, though. This one reminds me of a favourite of my own, something Rumi-esque, which perhaps I'll post sometime.

[avad.livejournal.com]

breathe in the magic lawn....that's so beautiful and soothing.
hoping all best.

full effects of Remeron

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

I know the standard line is 'six weeks for full effects' for all the antidepressants and suchlike that I know about, but I'm sure what you're noticing is /quite/ real--how could it be otherwise? there are effects as soon as your body starts working on any medication! I think many antidepressants simply take several weeks to build up enough in your body to provide their full effect-they start providing SOME benefit immediately. It wouldn't surprise me if simply getting a good night's sleep helped greatly, although of course there's more to depression and anxiety than merely lack of sleep

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

great entry and pic

your line about staying out of the way and not bothering people hit home with me. part of this crap I am working back through is to see my father through the eyes of love, regardless of how much shit he created in my life when I was at an age where I was unable to understand his limitations and lacks. Instead of course like all children I owned it and it has created patterns for me to work through for most of my life. Such as "don't make waves" and "no matter what decision you make, it'll be the wrong one, unless I make it for you"

Ah life!

be well Van
connor

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Van. I feel really gratified that you related enough to link my entry like that.

Also thanks for reminding me that I need to get over to Daisy's journal and let her know how much I enjoyed that poem. It was a very good one, especially since it's true.

I have some of that same "don't make waves" thing -- particularly when it comes to calling up strangers on the phone, for some reason.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yer most welcome, Zig. Besides the fact that it really moved me, I was thinking of a couple of my friends who are muppet fans, too.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

While writing this post I asked myself, "Why am I so concerned about staying out of the way?" The answer came to me right away, and it was one I had never thought of before, partly because of new information I discovered a couple years ago. I started to ramble on about that whole story, but decided it was too big of a tangent. Maybe another time.

I don't suppose it matter why we think that way, but it's important to recognize what thoughts are holding us back. It seems like I've been picking up a few clues lately.

I hope the visit with your dad has been good and that you've learned some good things through the eyes of love.

Clink clink,
Van

Re: full effects of Remeron

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Some of the changes I've noticed this week have clearly illustrated that I was experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression (to a greater degree than I was aware) for at least the past several months.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I liked that photo because it has a yin and yang quality to id.