![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaneramos
My new t-shirt
I don't remember the first time I met Jon, but it must have been the dance in April 2002, right after he moved to Guelph. He joined the Rainbow Chorus after our performance that month, and that is how we became friends. We shared some common background: we're both gay fathers who became evangelical Christians in our late teens, then came out in our 30s. Jon is 43, three years older than me. His sons are 22 and 17.
There was hardly ever a flicker of erotic interest between us. We both had boyfriends at the time, and it would have gone against Jon's way of thinking to flirt with me. He is a stoical Scot (though not so reserved in love apparently), and throughout most of our friendship I remained uncertain exactly where I stood with him.
I pursued him actively, but not romantically. I needed friends more than boyfriends, and knew it. We shared a fondness for Classical music, birdwatching, art and a couple pints at the
-bar. But Jon considered himself the marrying sort and went through the same predictable dating process I had experienced. He was quick to jump at any opportunity, slower to recover. The rhythm of our friendship depended on the moods and tides of his process.He asked many questions during the early months of my relationship with Danny, but always had an open mind toward my answers and has become the most supportive of my friends. His questions now assume some kind of permanence and reflect as much concern for Danny's wellbeing as mine.
Yesterday I realized how much our friendship means to him.
Other than sharing a room in Montreal for the choir festival in July, we hadn't seen each other all summer. We had exchanged a trickle of phone messages. Finally we talked on Friday night. We agreed to meet next evening after he finished work in Orangeville, and drive to the Saturday night dance at Rainbow Ridge Resort, a gay and lesbian campground near Grand Valley. We arrived at the site early enough to find a place by the quiet pool to chat.
He pushed a plastic bag toward me across the table. I fumbled with it. It contained an article of clothing. I imagined something left at his apartment sometime when we were changing to go out.
"It's a 'missed you' present," he said.
It was a black sleeveless t-shirt with something emblazoned in pink across the front: VANS "OFF THE WALL." I don't remember what it means or where he got it, but I happily changed into it for the dance.
Then we caught up. Jon shared the news that he's enjoying concentrating on being single. Even his Montreal romance has not distracted him. Jon has continued to see the man from Buffalo on condition they remain free to date other people.
I was happy to feel the tide of Jon's emotional investment toward me. We all need friends more than lovers.
Our relationship is about to enter a new dimension. Last night we agreed to look for an apartment together. My landlord has shown no signs of evicting my neighbours, so it's time for me to stop stalling and move.
The new household may be complicated by the possibility that Jon's elder son will come come to live with him—us, that is. But I've had enough of living alone, and I look forward to this new adventure.
~~~~~~~~~~
The dance last night was packed. I was sad to hear that the Robin's Nest has closed after more than 20 years of quirkiness. This will be a boon for the Guelph dances. Last night Rainbow Ridge took some of the overflow, but surprisingly few people I knew were there. The place isn't licensed so you have to BYOB. I drank only one cooler, but would have felt better without any alcohol. The night was hot and I went through three bottles of water after that. I was in the mood for company and affection, not sex. I fended off a couple aggressive advances.
Once I stepped out the dark side door of the hall and noticed a lighted path up the wooded hillside. A fellow in a camouflage shirt stood watching me, the tip of his cigarette flaring in the shadows. He jerked his chin toward the path, but I shook my head in reply. Then he stepped toward me, reaching for my crotch. Craving touch, I started to melt into his embrace, then thought better and withdrew.
"Don't worry, I'm only looking for 15 minutes," he said. He didn't understand.
"No thank you," I replied.
I resisted the urge to leave early. I had been feeling lonely for adult company all week, and braving the revelry of strangers beat languishing at home. I danced sometimes with Jon, sometimes alone. And the evening paid off. I chatted up a friendly bear on staff named Don. I told him I might camp there sometime during the week if this warm weather holds. He encouraged me to do so.
"It's quiet during the week," he said. "Very relaxing."
He added, "I work every day except Tuesday."
I stayed until 1:30. When I left, Jon was still going strong, dancing up a shirtless sweat in the middle of the floor, his night full of possibilities.
35 minutes to drive home. Dvorak's Eighth Symphony kept me awake and cheerful. I thought about Don's suggestion. Then my head hit the pillow and I was gone.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Good luck with finding your new place
Date: 2004-09-05 09:16 pm (UTC)The little that I know Jon, he is a great man. Solid and grounded. He will be good person to share a place with.
Big hugs, and looking forward to the dance next week. Maybe I'll get up there and dance more! Who can say?
Sweet dreams. Time to put my head to the pillow as well.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 09:28 pm (UTC)be well dear friend
connor
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 10:09 pm (UTC)It sounds like a nice dovetail from what you wrote about positive vibes from your trip.
Things work out sometimes after all, I suppose. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 10:45 pm (UTC)Promise each other, no matter what sort of relationship you have, that you will be honest with each other. Cohabitating with a partner is difficult; living with a man you call friend can be even worse if you are not communicating. If you do not, you will begin figuring out each other's buttons and start pushing them, even if not maliciously. Keep it open and mature.
Re: Good luck with finding your new place
Date: 2004-09-06 08:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 08:44 am (UTC)That's a cool icon. Where did it come from?
no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 08:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 08:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 09:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 02:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-07 11:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-08 01:34 pm (UTC)