Spirit of life

[vaneramos]

Photo: Time for a change. The background is a quilt my great grandmother made for me when I was born.

~~~~~~~~~~

"All of us have a God in us, and that God is the spirit that unites all life, everything that is on this planet. It must be this voice that is telling me to do something, and I am sure it's the same voice that is speaking to everybody on this planet—at least everybody who seems to be concerned about the fate of the world."

~Kenyan Environment Minister Wangari Maathai, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for 2004


"Urban people are connected to the land by their gastrointestinal tract."

~American poet Wendell Berry


"Nature is the ultimate source of everything we have....Preventing environmental degradation is therefore essential to world security and world peace."

~Canadian environmentalist David Suzuki

~~~~~~~~~~

She was the first African female, and the first environmentalist, to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Sometimes it takes women to get us thinking. Our culture traditionally denigrated female energy. I heard it once on a Classical music program: a commentator saying the even-numbered Beethoven symphonies were feminine, weaker, less important. If you listen to the Sixth Symphony, it's about nature, peace. The Fifth is about strife and triumph. Why is peace a less significant statement than war?

It is the women weeping for their children who teach us that war will not answer our world's problems. It is the Wangari Maathais, willing to get arrested for planting trees in protest, willing to let their husbands divorce them for being too strong, who will change things around, if anyone does.

A few years ago my friend Daniel sent me to a reiki practitioner for my birthday. It was a remarkable experience; I can still see the visualizations from that session. I drifted down a long river with a high tower at the end, its height hidden in pink clouds. Somewhere the sun was setting, casting brilliant light through the mist. I did not reach the tower. When she aroused me from that trance, Lise said she sensed feminine energy had been an important part of my life for a long time, and I needed to get more in touch with my masculine energy.

About that time I took an interest in Tarot cards and other New Age devices. I bought a pack of chakra cards designed for meditation on various aspects of the self. Strangely, one card in the pack was duplicated; it was Willpower. That was always one of the weakest aspects of my psyche.

We tend to identify strength, willpower and determination with masculine energy. Why is that? Maybe it isn't the masculine energy I need to claim after all, but the power of a woman who was willing to stand up to her country's president for decades, fight for Kenya's Green Belt program to increase her nation's social, economic and environmental security.

Willpower is associated with the throat, my chakra that is most blocked. I resist speaking out, claiming what I believe. Even knowing what I believe is a challenge.

I have been contemplating mortaility. It is not only my own life that will pass away, but also my culture and this civilization. All these things come and go like the ebb and flow of a tide. They have done so since the beginning of history, and will continue for the rest of time. Our minds cannot live forever. Something will destroy our society as we know it. That may come in my lifetime, in my children's lifetime, or perhaps not for several generations. But inevitably it will come. It is the nature of the cosmos, and our lives are a mere blink of the cosmic eye. So why should I bother caring about the environment?

Monday afternoon while the girls were busy packing, I went down on the dock for the year's final communion with Lake Fletcher: the deep blue water, the mix of colours across the lake: cedars, pines, maples, birches. I have grown accustomed to that vast wall of green, a multitude of leaves containing millions upon millions of chlorophyll engines driving the force of life. Sunlight passing through microscopic chambers is converted to the sugars I eat, the energy that moves my muscles, lets me breathe air. All this wonder is impermanent, and yet it's vital to my life now, in this moment of existence.

More than ever I must learn to live in the moment, to feel power flowing to enact whatever makes life worthy while it lasts.

Comments

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

Van, I love you. :)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Zig. You're an inspiration. :)

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the quotation from such a great woman. I hadn't heard about the Peace Prize this year yet.

I certainly recognize the ideas of "masculine" and "feminine" energy, and I suppose I agree that one often finds them in different quantities in people depending on whether they're male or female. But I really do love people who blend them, and yes, feminine/female energy is vital to the world.

People who talk about female energy as a drawback just make me think "ewwwwww." People who talk about male energy as a drawback don't bother me quite as much because I've seen more evidence of the downsides of masculinity. But ideally, I value both. I hope we all come to greater appreciation of both, with time. Well before the inevitable cycling of our lives and civilizations back into nature, I hope.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I'm in agreement that both femanine and masculine energies should be valued equally as they both draw upon the other for strength and unless you are so comfortable with yourself, it's hard to live within the elemental confines of both, such as many of us who are gay will have.

And being "weak" isn't always a bad thing as sometimes what's percieved as being "weak" is really the opposite, strong.

It's unfortunate that as far as humanity has come over the centuries, it still has a long way to go to being what our higher being wants us to be.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

What a splendid self-portrait!

I have been contemplating mortaility.

This entire paragraph really hit a nerve. In a good way, in that it helps not to feel so alone in one's feelings sometimes. I've been of the mind recently that nothing I do matters in any way, because in seventy or so years, if not sooner, I'll be gone, and no one will remember or care that I existed. But if you take a theory like the Butterfly effect seriously, it's probably not true, and everything we do is connected somehow with the fate of the universe.

Whoa, think I need a cocktail after this post...

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

Van, I so admire how you think, who you are, how you feel and understand humanity. I am so glad you're in the world. This is a lovely photo of you, too.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Too often we identify with stereotypical characteristics that have little to do with what is essentially masculine or feminine. Like so many human dualities, the two become estranged, in need of reconciliation.

I'll make a stronger statement here: drag personnas have more to do with gay identity and culture than a genuine exploration of female energy. But that point is tangential to my post.

I'm all in favour of greater appreciation.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Now you're talking about an authority I don't believe in—and shame, which sucks as a motivator for positive change.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's interesting the way these ideas propogate. That paragraph arose from an interchange in the journal of a friend who stated that coming to terms with mortality (not only his own, but that of our culture and society), set him free to live life to the fullest. I realized that although I accept mortality as a fact, I have trouble letting go.

I kinda wish I could meet you for a cocktail right now.

And thanks for the compliment. :-)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Lisa, the regard is mutual. You have influenced my writing practice more than anyone I know, and that is very important to me.

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

Thank you for those thoughts; one thread amongst the many that speaks to thoughts I have been having is just how much wonderful constructive energy we have the potential to release if we can somehow move past the binary gender model.

It freezes us in the eternal prison of either/or, straitjacketing us into competitive thought patterns, when a harmonization of our individual needs into cooperative vision is perhaps the only thing that will save us from the apocalypse.

I'm sure you are weary of hearing it, but you look stunning--STUNNING--in the photo. And the quilt makes an extraordinary backdrop to the beauty of your bared, honest flesh.

hugs, Shimmer

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

As often happens, I see unconscious connections after I have posted. The woman who made that quilt, Laura (Frederick) Ford, was my mother's mother's mother. She showed me more kindness than my two grandmothers put together, and was a strong and tender figure in my mother's childhood. She died in 1996 at 103. Unfortunately she was bedridden due to severe arthritis and blindness for the last 15 years of her life, and I didn't have much contact with her during that time. Her quilt seems an eloquent backdrop to my masculine demeanour in this photo.

Thank you for the hopeful thoughts you added here.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

That's the same argument Suzuki made in his column approving the award. He said it's about time the Nobel committee recognized the importance of environmental concerns in securing peace. Too bad the media are pooh-poohing it, but that's typical.

Anyway thanks for the compliment, Craig. It's easy to be vulnerable to friends I trust.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

Beautiful post, Van! :)

[art-thirst.livejournal.com]

Let me say before I completely read your entry that I find your self-portrait absolutely amazing. That instense stare into my eyes touches me with a force that I can feel deep inside. If I was in your presence I would hold you in my arms and rest my head on your shoulder for a long time just feeling the warmth of your body and the beating of your heart against my chest. {{{hugs}}}

(Are you going to make a full pic of that quilt? You know I love quilts!)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

In person I have great difficulty making eye contact, even with people I know well. It is not that I have anything to hide (the traditional interpretation) but because I spent so much time alone when I was young. On the other hand bitterlawngnome can tell you I'm very much at ease in front of a camera. I relate a little more easily to people as a performer (e.g. reading my own poetry).

And with touch. My family shared plenty of gentle physical affection, so touch comes naturally to me. I would welcome a hug like that you describe. I appreciate intimate physical contact without necessarily leading to sex, and am fortunate to have a lover who relates to this.

I had forgotten (or didn't realize) you love quilts. Did you know I'm working on one? I started it in 1998 and stopped for about five years, but meeting Danny (who knits) inspired me to resume work on it. He took me to one of his knitting guild meetings and the guest speaker was a quilt artist, very inspiring. I posted something about it last fall or winter; I don't know whether you remember.

Unfortunately this old quilt Dommy made is much used and in poor condition. I wrote a couple of poems about her and the quilt around the time she died. Perhaps I'll post them with a photograph sometime soon. I doubt whether my camera and the lighting in my apartment are adequate for such a photograph, but I'll give it a try.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Sometimes particular LJ friends flicker through my mind while I'm composing these free writes, and I recall your presence today.

[art-thirst.livejournal.com]

I relate a little more easily to people as a performer.
That's how I approached being in front of people when I began lecturing and such. I'm so used to it now from teaching I don't think about it.

Even if the colors are a bit off, I'm still very interested in seeing the quilt. It's the faded colors and pattern(s) that interest me the most. Yes, I remember you talking about a quilt you had stopped working on and, Danny's knitting group. I also have a stack of quilt pieces I want to complete yet, at the same time I'm afraid of completing it. I love the individual pieces so much I don't want to fix it in place until I'm really sure that's what I want to do.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The quilt is quite simple: white rectangles and various blue ones (the same old-fashioned navy shade) repeated across the whole quilt in a herringbone pattern. It isn't big enough for a regular bed. I suppose she intended it to be used in my crib, or as an extra blanket when I was sick. I'll will post a photograph soon.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

I am honored :)

[handlebear.livejournal.com]

I think that music helps me live in the now. Especially if I am performing it. We might look back at our mistakes but they are frozen in the past.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

That is a neat thought. Really, I'm never so absorbed in the moment as when I'm playing piano. I don't get many opportunities these days. When I do, it's a powerful experience. Piano is more powerful for me than singing in an ensemble, because I feel more proficient and have more control over how I express myself.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

Van, would you mind if I did an entry giving a link to this...beauty is worth sharing :)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You are most welcome.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[diapholom.livejournal.com]

Wangari Maathai, the African woman who won the Nobel Peace Prize this year

your problem is you're too easily impressed with titles/awards/
statesman-like looks
this wangari maathai tried to spread a little of her ignorance
when she announced that AIDS is a synthetic virus designed to kill
the whole negroid race
well well you never can tell
just remember, if you meet another "buddha" on the road
Kill "him"

these are the best lyrics i can give you:

You give up on yourself
Somehow you got betrayed again
Thin ice and luck runs out
Who will you blame it on this time?

Due to a lack of interest in you
The light at the end of the tunnel
Was turned off
And something I noticed
Beating you is thrilling me
I've got a secret for you

If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time

Don't close your eyes to injustice
Listen, being brave ain't chicken shit
A man without any valor
Has nothing worth living for

Due to a lack of interest in you
The light at the end of the tunnel
Was turned off
And something I noticed
Beating you is thrilling me
I've got a secret for you

If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time

If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time

If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time

[ex-iam138.livejournal.com]

Dear Van I am one who has followed Kwangise's post to view this one here at your lj.

I find it very touching and insightful. Spiritual yet embracing our beloved environment as equal to ourselves and some call this beautiful blue orb mother earth.

I didn't know about that nobel prize winner. I might have to connect to your post too to tell my lj friends! :-)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

"Equal to ourselves," that is part of my way of thinking about things. So I was excited to hear about an environmentalist winning such high approbation in a time when our leaders are trying to use war to create peace. I'm glad you liked this, and you're most welcome to link to it.

[ex-iam138.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Thank You

[perkk.livejournal.com]

I am crying, this is such a beautiful post, well written. I like connections in any form. Weather in the male/female paradigm or others. I too am heartened by the Noble Prize going to an environmentalist (though I was unaware of the other assertions I see replied to this post). I also love the topic, quotes, and quilt picture combination; a very positive set of reinforcements.

Re: Thank You

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm deeply moved that this post touched so many people positively. Thank you.