Write what you know

[vaneramos]

Photo: Me journaling at the kitchen table Sept. 28, still fully bearded.

~~~~~~~~~~

The idea presented itself as they so often do, in a blast. I've been considering participating in NaNoWriMo¹ again for weeks, but didn't have any idea what the novel would be. This morning it presented itself.

Last night Danny and I ate a meal right out of the cookbook he brought me from San Francisco: recipes from around the world. I chose Capetown fruit and vegetable curry. It's the sort of thing I like to make at home. I love the flavour of curry, but usually they're too spicy for my constitution. Danny has the same problem. At home I can make them as mild as I like. I cut down the cayenne in the curry mixture, but it actually turned out too mild. The flavour was excellent, though: it's a mix of onions, garlic, ginger, zucchini, green beans, dried apricots, tart apples or pears, red bell pepper and, added at the last minute for texture, dried currants. Also some apricot conserve for sweetness. I've made very few vegetarian dishes I liked this much; definitely a make-again.

The recipe recommended a minted cucumber raita to accompany the entree, but remembering Danny isn't fond of cucumbers, I looked up a simple lassi raita on the internet.

Dessert was a few small wedges of pumpkin fudge from The Nutty Chocolatier. This stuff is elusive. I've only ever found it in the fall. It is absolutely delicious. It might sound like a weird combination, but this is a combo made in heaven.

Afterwards we watched a favourite movie of mine, Danny for the first time: Pulp Fiction. God, it makes me squirm! But I think the movie is more fun when you know where it's going. And you can watch for the weird peripheral things you miss on first viewing.

One of my favourite lines: "Don't look at me that way. I felt that look."

I'm fighting some kind of flu or cold: nasty body aches and a rare headache hit me yesterday afternoon. No other symptoms so far. Ibuprofen does the trick. But it's pouring rain here, doesn't look like a great day for getting out and doing some of the things we wanted. This weekend is the Guelph Arts Festival, plus the Studio Tour and Guelph Film Festival. So many things we could take in if we feel up to it, which I don't. Drat.

So this morning I crawled out of bed to do my handwritten journal, and Danny mentioned something about NaNoWriMo. He has a knitting friend who wants to try it. I've been debating it for weeks, ever since roosterbear and quillon's visit. Do I really want to commit so much time?

Yes. It's my life's ambition to be a published novelist. Last year I actually finished a draft for the first time in my life. Maybe I haven't done anything more with the product, but I still intend to. And the exercise is necessary.

But many of the scenarios playing through my mind didn't seem appropriate. Some of them would require too much research, which I don't have time for.

Then that old writer's saw played through my mind: "Write what you know."

And then I knew. Exodus International came to mind, the ex-gay ministry I used to attend when I was married, before I came out. The story started presenting itself to me, multi-faceted, with various characters worthy of development. A gay married man. His evangelical mother. His estranged father, a down-an-out painter. The gay romantic interest.² The wife. The teenage daughter. Various quirky characters he meets at the support group meetings. The main theme will be conformity versus authenticity. The romance will be ill-fated, but the story will end happily for the main character, coming to terms with himself and knowing what he has to do.

We're not talking fun-and-games here, like Tendril.³ This story will be hard to write.

~~~~~~~~~~

¹ National Novel Writing Month

² No, I didn't have a romantic affair during my marriage, or any sexual dalliances for that matter, but I was unusual. I can easily construct one in my imagination.

³ The novel I wrote last year, Tendril Through the Internet, was a young adult romp inspired by Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Comments

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

Now those Dunkin Munchkins I've been chowing down on all morning just don't seem to be doing the trick. A terrific post, as usual. Hope you're feeling better. Such a reflective Van in that picture!!

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

I wish you enjoyment and inspiration for your new novel!
If you have fresh ginger it makes a lovely tea that is comforting when you are coming down with a cold/flu.

I am looking forward to perhaps a snippet or two of the novel shared!

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

It sounds fantastic!

[wonderboynj.livejournal.com]

I look forward to reading anything you have to write :)

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

This writing workshop sounds wonderful. I hope you do decide to give it a try. Might be well worth your while.

Sorry to hear you may be coming down with something. No fun.

The meal you and Danny made last night sounds yummy. I'm not one for a lot of heat either, but a bit of a kick is a good thing!

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i like the photo. you're so intent! i'll hope to see some of the novel, if you elect to show us.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Ibuprofen has been keeping the discomfort pretty well at bay. We're having a quiet day, so hopefully I'll be in good enough shape for the dance tonight (the GLBT choir I sang in holds a monthly fundraiser). It's a Hallowe'en dance, so we have costumes to get ready!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reminding me about ginger tea. leafshimmer made it for me at a Faerie gathering last fall (it's nasty to get a cold while you're camping in October!), and I've used it myself a couple times since. It's the sort of thing my memory doesn't hold onto very well.

Re: kamikaze novels and raw emotions

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Bob, oddly enough, that reminds me of one of the most intense mystical incidents of my own life. Maybe I'll work it into this new novel somehow.

My marriage was crumbling and my wife had kicked me out of the bedroom, so I was sleeping alone in the basement. I didn't have a friend to turn to, except my doctor who had told me I had to accept my sexual orientation or I wouldn't recover from the devastating depression. Every night when I went to bed I would cry, but I always had the clear sensation of Jesus coming and sitting by my pillow.

One night I cried to God: "What should I do? I don't know what to do."

I felt the answer in my heart: "You don't have to do anything. There's nothing wrong with you. Everything will be alright. You only have to wait."

Now I believe that voice came from the self-preserving instinct deep inside myself, and yet it was one of the essential experiences of my life. I have written a lot of poetry about those lonely nights before I came out. It was my Gethsemane experience.

~~~~~~~~~~

I remember reading part of the first chapter of your novel. I wish to resume reading the rest of your work so far. It's a task for which I need the right time and more than my usual allowance of concentration. But I will.

I know what you mean about the kamikaze approach. I too like to take a "carefully crafted" approach, which I have used for some pieces of short fiction. Unfortunately it bogs me down and I never finish anything more substantial. Writing Tendril was an exciting experience, learning that yes indeed I can finish a novel. I like how "free writing" forces me to go ahead even when I run out of ideas. Sometimes the best stuff comes out of those voids. I see the finished product as a rough draft. I quickly learned what was lacking for the completion of Tendril, and at the same time discovered what worked well.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I've known for a long time: that book needs to be written. I didn't anticipate approaching it as fiction. Now that it's decided, I'm excited.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Brian. xoxo

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's not exactly a workshop, but a challenge: to write an entire 50,000 word novel in the space of a month. It could be used as a workshop if I actually set out to exchange critiques with any of my various LJ friends who also plan to participate. But in fact we'll be so busy writing it, we'll have a hard time giving much attention to one another's work. But the sense of camaraderie—that we're in this together—is quite potent.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

That photo is me every morning. My desk still hasn't recovered enough from the summer to offer a workspace, but the kitchen is fine.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Hey, sexy man sitting at a table...

I suspect this will be easier than you think, and will probably be highly therapeutic. I look forward to seeing some of it.

I wonder if I should post mine. Maybe I can make another LJ account for it. I'll have to give it some thought.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, you're one of the people who has encouraged me to do this again. It would be great to see some of your work.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

I guess, then, I shall make a new journal for it... will let you know.

[daddy-o.livejournal.com]

It sounds to me like you're onto a really hot idea. Sure, it will be hard to write, but NaNoWriMo is the perfect opportunity to give it a whirl. Take advantage of all that creative energy focused on the same goal as yours. It's incredible what that energy does for one's willpower to get a story out.

No, I didn't have a romantic affair during my marriage, or any sexual dalliances for that matter, but I was unusual. I can easily construct one in my imagination.

Yeah. There's enough overlap with your own experience to where I know you could, with some thought, figure out what such a dalliance might have been like for you. That's what makes this story idea so hot. And by "hot" I don't mean jerk-off material so much as workable. As in, forge the iron while it's hot.

I think you've got just enough insight to the characters, and where they'll end up, to where writing this story might not be as hard as you expect it to be. Awesome!

oh, and speaking of hot...

[daddy-o.livejournal.com]

That is one lovely pic!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, the story might write itself. I meant hard emotionally, compared to the novel last year, which was pure whimsy. But the more I think about it, the better I feel about doing it. It might actually prove a cleansing for me.

Re: oh, and speaking of hot...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Ha, thank you.

Ya, I have to think about the hotness level. This novel will go there, although I'd prefer to make it more suggestive than explicit. I'll probably just wait and see where my mind takes it.

[daddy-o.livejournal.com]

Makes sense. That's the best kind of story to write.

And as far as the hotness level of your story: go with whatever level you're comfortable with. Personally? I like to make it more suggestive than anything, because I like to focus on where the actual story is. (Do we need to know all the mechanics of who topped whom to understand what's going on in the dynamic between the characters?) And besides, if you finish telling the story and need more words at the end, you can always go back and fill in the blanks. Heh heh.