![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaneramosWhile perusing the web sites I posted earlier, I was alarmed to find this ex-gay testimonial by Peter. Alarmed, because he left New Direction over a disagreement about their methods and attitude toward gay people.
I still remember the day in 1992 when I first phoned New Direction from my office and got Peter on the line. My wife had become cold toward me and I had begun to despair of my life working out happily. I had friends who knew about my homosexual struggle, but no one who understood. I could see nowhere to turn except this ex-gay ministry.
Peter's voice was compassionate. He could relate to everything. We had hardly started talking when I began to cry. For long minutes we just sat wordlessly while I sobbed over the phone.
He became my counsellor, and I doubt that I have ever opened my heart that much to anyone. I loved him deeply and intensely. I remember times he played guitar and we sang hymns alone together. It was the beginning of my realization that I could indeed love a man. I started to see something beautiful in that. The questions began. My wounds revealed themselves as something not to be derided, but as a basis for relationship with Christ who had also suffered and loved. For the first time I felt pride in my difference.
I was devastated when Peter left the ministry. I couldn't understand what he saw wrong with New Direction. As he indicates in his testimonial, he always avoided focusing on homosexuality as a sin; his mind was always on God's acceptance and love. It seemed like he celebrated his sexual nature by sublimating it emotionally through his ministry to others, rather than repressing it. Nevertheless, after leaving New Direction he continued to identify as ex-gay. I wonder what he thinks of them using his testimonial.
Two years ago I received a phone call from Peter. We hadn't spoken since 1996, but he had kept the letter I sent him explaining my decision to come out. Coming across the letter he decided to call. As it happened, my number hadn't changed.
He just wanted to know whether I was okay. We only talked a couple minutes. He gave me his new number and asked me to look him up in Toronto sometime.
I still remember the day in 1992 when I first phoned New Direction from my office and got Peter on the line. My wife had become cold toward me and I had begun to despair of my life working out happily. I had friends who knew about my homosexual struggle, but no one who understood. I could see nowhere to turn except this ex-gay ministry.
Peter's voice was compassionate. He could relate to everything. We had hardly started talking when I began to cry. For long minutes we just sat wordlessly while I sobbed over the phone.
He became my counsellor, and I doubt that I have ever opened my heart that much to anyone. I loved him deeply and intensely. I remember times he played guitar and we sang hymns alone together. It was the beginning of my realization that I could indeed love a man. I started to see something beautiful in that. The questions began. My wounds revealed themselves as something not to be derided, but as a basis for relationship with Christ who had also suffered and loved. For the first time I felt pride in my difference.
I was devastated when Peter left the ministry. I couldn't understand what he saw wrong with New Direction. As he indicates in his testimonial, he always avoided focusing on homosexuality as a sin; his mind was always on God's acceptance and love. It seemed like he celebrated his sexual nature by sublimating it emotionally through his ministry to others, rather than repressing it. Nevertheless, after leaving New Direction he continued to identify as ex-gay. I wonder what he thinks of them using his testimonial.
Two years ago I received a phone call from Peter. We hadn't spoken since 1996, but he had kept the letter I sent him explaining my decision to come out. Coming across the letter he decided to call. As it happened, my number hadn't changed.
He just wanted to know whether I was okay. We only talked a couple minutes. He gave me his new number and asked me to look him up in Toronto sometime.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 08:19 pm (UTC)you've been hitting some really painful, intense territory.
i'm wondering how it feels to you to write about?
is this the first time you've written about all of this?
so, did peter write this letter *before* (i hope)-- please tell me he hasn't returned to new directions.
i'm overwhelmed by the ex-gay ministries... my best friend matt had a boyfriend who ended up in one. . . but you know about them...
i'm rambling, but i just wanted you to know i'm here.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 09:14 pm (UTC)As far as I know, Peter never went back to New Directions. He went to a ministry for people living with AIDS, and last I talked to him he was still there.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 01:36 pm (UTC)I really really hope he is in a better place now...
hugs, Shimmer
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:20 pm (UTC)hugs,
Van