Turning Day

[vaneramos]

Memories of summer: Marian at Bon Echo Provincial Park, August 24.

This photo did not originally make the cut, perhaps (unconsciously) because Marian and I were on each other's case during that trip (read High Pines Trail). I took a lot more photos of Brenna on that occasion. The rest of the series is posted here: August light; Bon Echo.

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Over the past few years, winter solstice has become the most important day of the year for me. Ironically, I'm often so busy getting ready for Christmas that I forget about it, fail to mark it in any particular way. It doesn't need to be marked. It is what it is.

For me this is a turning point. I experience Seasonal Affective Disorder, which means my body and moods are sensitive to seasonal changes in light. I disapprove of the term disorder: it seems like a perfectly natural and useful cycle for creatures adapted to living in extreme northern habitats. Winter should be a time for near hibernation. But I digress.

While SAD affects many people worst in late winter, I tend to feel it the most during the months when sunlight is waning most discernibly: October and November. Once we pass winter solstice, light starts to return again, slowly at first. So this marks the turning point. Those long northern days are still a long way ahead, but at least we have already passed through the worst of things.

This year, thanks to a fluorescent light fixture mounted behind my computer monitor, I have not felt the symptoms so badly.

But it's still a point of turning. It is that thing so many of us crave: a new beginning. For many people that will be New Year's Eve. And who knows, I might even save a resolution or two for Dec. 31. But the real launch pad of my annual calendar is Dec. 21.

Now that I've built up to that, I ought to say something momentous. Make a prediction or resolution. I haven't done anything in particular to celebrate the day. Brenna and I went on one last run to the grocery store to pick up a few items I had missed, then I came home, washed dishes, and prepared the dressing for the Christmas turkey. I listened to Marian practice guitar.

I'm about to go make a tourtiére for dinner, a French Canadian meat pie traditionally served after midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. My family isn't French Canadian or Catholic, and we won't be following that tradition, but I like this dish too much to pass the holidays without making it once. So as usual this season seems to have a lot to do with food, and that has to do with SAD, too, because the way decreased light affects our pituitary gland, it makes us crave comfort foods, specifically carbohydrates.

But I will take a moment now to think about what I aspire to in the coming year. Two things come to mind.

First, I want to complete a revision of the novel I wrote in November, Pilgrim's Cross. And no, to those following the writing, I haven't finished the last chapters, but that will be first on my agenda after the kids go back to school. And once the revision is done, I'll consider how to go about getting it published.

The other goal is also to do with publication. I want to sell at least one article to a magazine. I would like to sell much more than that, but let's get practical here. A new beginning should not set one up to fail, but to strive. This is attainable, and success has a way of propagating.

Comments

[aman-geld.livejournal.com]

fluorescent light fixture mounted behind my computer monitor

how does it work exactly? could you please describe or point to a picture, if available?

good story, these solstice sentiments somehow resonate with my feelings at the moment.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It is nothing extraordinary. danthered works in the light industry, and he told me the expensive "full spectrum" lights available from medical suppliers for treating SAD are unnecessary; all that matters is enough intensity, which you can get from standard fluorescent tubes. He gave me this fixture, which he wasn't using. It's simply a fixture like you should be able to buy from any hardware store, containing two General Electric 40-Watt fluorescent tubes, one labelled F40C50 CHROMA 50, and the other F40SP65 SP65. One gives a warmer light, the other slightly colder. It is working for me. Sorry I don't know anything more about them.

[handlebear.livejournal.com]

The cub is getting a small light box for Christmas. When do you use yours during the day or in the eveings?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It varies, but I think it's best used during the part of the day when we would naturally be exposed to sunlight anyway, or to extend winter daylight hours slightly. I like to use it during the late morning, that part of the day when I need help getting going. Having it behind my monitor allows me to use it while I'm writing or answering email. Some people might find it annoying, but I believe the medical light boxes are designed so you can use them in a work area.

Personally I like the brightness. I swear I can feel it lifting my mood some days, and if I feel a little depressed I might leave it on for a couple hours. It doesn't distract me when I'm reading or writing, but if I'm looking at images I'll have trouble seeing the colours on my monitor, so I have to turn the light off.

I believe Pete (trapezebear) likes to use his first thing in the morning, and I've heard of other people doing that. It could be used soon after getting home from work, but I wouldn't recommend using one too late in the evening, when those of us with mood disorders need to cue our brains to wind down for a healthy sleep pattern.

[aman-geld.livejournal.com]

no, it's good, i mean, it's enough for me to figure out (or i think so at the moment :)

thank you.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

Merry Christmas, Van!

Hope your holidays are very pleasant and peaceful. Beautiful tree image...as always!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope your holidays are passing happily, too. Seasons greetings from the snowy North.