Slogging, whining

[vaneramos]

Copper goblet on display at Macdonald Stewart Art Centre

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I've reached the hard part with my new daily routine. The novelty has worn off along with some of my initial enthusiasm. Now I have to keep making it work for me, and tinkering with the parts that don't work.

It's just like going to the gym. Last Friday I had an unusual experience on the way home from my workout. After pushing hard and then relaxing in a warm shower and a hot sauna, I got the legendary burst of endorphins. I felt cleansed, as if all the poisons and noxious humours had flowed out of my pores with the sweat and left me bathing in a sea of sweetness and newness. I thought maybe this new weight routine would always be like that, and wouldn't it be nice? Not so. This week it has been drudgery. Today I was looking for excuses to beg off going to the gym at all, but couldn't find one.

I've run into the same thing with the rest of my routine, too. This week I discovered how vulnerable I am to distractions.

It started with that old journal I excavated on Monday and Tuesday. It was interesting indeed, and a fertile source of creative and autobiographical material. But projects like that need to be worked into the schedule and set aside when other things take priority. But the journal was the shiny thing that keeps catching a blackbird's eye. Tuesday morning I got out of bed and dug right into it rather than writing my morning pages, eating breakfast, or doing the housework I had planned. By 4 p.m. my body was going into starvation mode and I felt like two entire days had been sucked into a vacuum.

Balance is the key I always lose.

I managed to recover somewhat. Yesterday was fairly productive: I finished another chapter of the novel, reaching a major crisis and resolution. I have less than 5,000 words to write to complete my first draft.

I'm not a task-oriented person. My favourite part of any project is the beginning, imagining ideas. Following through with them is tough. Getting myself to sit down and complete one chapter after another is harder than cajoling myself to the gym. I've come to the conclusion that these hard tasks are best scheduled when my peak creative period starts around 3 p.m.

This means my LJ posts will be relegated to the evening, which is less ideal. Yesterday after finishing that chapter I didn't feel like writing another word. I might have to change how I approach my LJ. This week the posts have felt like the last drops out of a grapefruit rid. I know better than to give up just because of a few bad days. Often that's the time when you have to keep punching through to discover vessels of new inspiration.

Something else bad happened last night. My computer monitor gave a flicker and the screen shifted. Now it has shadowy streaks. I'm not much of a techie and I've never had this happen before, but I think it's bad. The monitor is only about four years old, but I believe the warranty expired last year. I can't afford a new one right now, although my income tax return coming through in the next couple weeks should pay for a new one. I'm upset about that though, because I had designated the money to pay down my debt burden, with maybe a little something set aside for a treat. Wouldn't that be special!

The way this monitor is now, it muddies my images and even makes reading difficult sometimes depending on what else is on the screen. So if anything seems odd about my posts for next little while, that's my excuse.