Same-sex families need recognition

[vaneramos]

Approaching the Village with Danny on Saturday afternoon: a house on Maitland Street.

Canada's bureaucracy doesn't know how to handle same-sex marriage yet. Bonnie and Tana have been trying for months to get a passport for their baby, Molly, in time for a trip to Paris this Thursday. Tana repeatedly contacted Égale requesting support, but never received a response. Molly was born to two legally married women, but Bonnie had taken the extra precaution of adopting.

Last week Ottawa still had failed to process their application. So Tana spent several desperate hours in phone calls between home, the local riding office where the MP's staff co-ordinated with her friend, and a ring of civil servants in Ottawa. Although MP Brenda Chamberlain opposes same-sex marriage, her staff were patient and helpful.

At one point Tana was connected to a new person unfamiliar with the interminable process and its significant players. Understanding only that Molly was adopted, the woman on the phone said to Tana, "I can't speak to you. I have to speak with Molly's adoptive mother."

Exasperated, Tana said, "I pushed her out of my vagina!"

I asked Bonnie whether these civil servants were being deliberately obstinate. She said no. They simply had never handled a situation like this.

Molly got her passport.

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm exploring a new format for my LJ posts. Today's post has three parts: an image and 200 words of text, followed by a record, behind a cut, of things I've been doing and thinking about. I had hoped this would be less time consuming than the old format, but not so far.

Yesterday afternoon I helped Sylvie and Sarah move with their new housemate, Terrilyn, into a new apartment on Liverpool Street. It's a beautifully renovated duplex in an historic neighbourhood. We also had help from Paula. After work Marg brought over a pot of vegetarian chili and cornbread. Bonnie joined the housewarming later.

My computer is back together at home. Besides the new video card, Danny installed an ethernet card so I can hook up cable whenever I can manage the connection fee.

I also brought home from Toronto some brownish-grey wool (Patons Classic Merino Wool: 00252, Tree Bark Mix) bought at Romny's to make a pair of slippers. I started on the pattern this afternoon. It won't be easy for a novice. It requires a double strand of yarn on 4½ mm needles. I didn't think I would be able to figure out how to increase without Danny's help, but found a short video online, which cleared up my confusion.

Meanwhile, work on the purple scarf (Bernat Solo: 57320, Plum) continues. The first scarf was made with Patons Bohemian, 11110, Indigo Indulgence.

Comments

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

beautiful beautfiul photo.
I am sorry your friends are having such a frustrating time and yes yes the recognition for same sex families ought to take priority.

I love cornbread- you've inspired me to make some this week.
much love dear friend.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Another LJ friend declared the supremacy of cornbread recently after I posted about preparing "chili and biscuits." Cornbread was never a tradition of my family, and I've only tasted it a handful of times. Marg's stuff was delicious. I'll have to find a good recipe of my own. Enjoy!

Much love,
Van

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

the moosewood cookbook has a delcious recipe maybe I ought to post it- it adds a touch of honey and some chili peppers so you end up with a nice sweet little bit of hot cornbread and you have the option of adding chives and cheese.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I have one of the Moosewood cookbooks (Sundays at Moosewood Restaurant, ethnic and regional recipes). It contains a recipe for cornbread I shall try, although it's different from the one you describe.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

P.S. Marg said that as a kid she used to have cornbread with honey and cream for dessert!

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

they are wonderful books- there is one called the enchanted broccoli forest I got as much for the name as the fact it was written by the moosewood clan.
:)

Glad the passport came through

[djjo.livejournal.com]

I guess as more an more same sex couples start applying for them it will become something the bureaucracy will get better at. It still doesn't excuse all the hassle they had to go through.

[g] Ah yes, Van has discovered Yarn Porn! Trust me my dear, there are many MANY wonderful sites out there for you to enjoy.

Take, for instance, the hat I'm working on for you.

The head band and tail tip are made from wool from The Philosopher's Wool Company. The colour is Light Blue Heather.

The tail itself is made from Wellington Fibres. It is a discontinued line of 50% mohair, 50% wool. The colour is teal.

Big hugs and good luck with the new format. Hopefully it will work better for you.

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

Just for the record, I am wholeheartedly in favor of children having loving caring supportive parents, regardless of the parents' gender or sexual orientation. No question about it.

I do love Tana's response! and am delighted that Molly got her passport. As I recall, Mom (heterosexual, but divorced; joint custody, but no proof) got me my passport in much the same way, by announcing to the bamboozled agent at the U.S. passport agency: "Here's her baptismal record. I've got the right to get her a passport as I'm her mother. I should know. I was there at the time." and waited in a most forceful manner.

Cynically, bureaucrats are the same the world over. Sigh.

yarn p*rn

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

Lovely stuff, isn't it?

Re: Glad the passport came through

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I don't know whether I'm going to stick with this format or not. I thought it would be quicker to write "200 words" than "for 15 minutes," but it's not. So, more thinking to do.

It's important for our society to recognize same-sex familes as equal to opposite-sex families or else the beaurocracy will continue to discriminate against them. On the radio driving home yesterday I heard a leader from the Sikh community of British Columbia bellowing on CBC News about how same-sex marriage should not be recognized because it's immoral. I find it offensive to hear religious leaders wanting to deny others the same basic human rights that allow minorities to practice their beliefs without fear of discrimination in Canada.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Mmmm... Corn bread and honey. Now that's good eats. To me honey is like eating sunshine. *mouth watering at the thought*

I'm glad the Lesbian couple did get their baby's passport, despite the hassle to get it.

Glad to see you are now up and running at home. Good luck with your journal revisions and such. I'm sure you'll find a format that works for you.

Good luck on your knitting projects. :-)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Here, here!

I do understand the concern surrounding children crossing borders with only one parent. Foreign diplomats don't want their countries to get caught in sticky child custody disputes. I'm quite happy to sign legal papers allowing my ex-wife to take the girls to Mexico whenever they travel there. A former boyfriend of mine had similar situation, except that his exwife and children were all Swiss citizens. He feared that she might return to Switzerland and prevent him from seeing the children. Family laws should prevent such actions. More jurisdictions are becoming cautious after a few well-publicized cases in which children were essentially kidnapped from custodial parents.

At the same time, our family laws need to recognize legitimate families like Bonnie and Tana's and protect them from hassles. I can see how someone less persistent than Tana might have run into trouble. But she is a mover-and-shaker, and Bonnie is a social worker, so they make a good team. I hope our political system in Canada continues to validate changes like these.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks a bunch, John.

legitimate families and non-custodial genetic parents' abducting their own children

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

Again...sigh--I've had my own run-ins (as the child, not the parent) with just such situations. Mom wasn't actually trying to remove me from the country herself, just get me a passport, but I'm quite sure that's what the passport agency employee feared would happen.

As I recall, Dad (lawyer/law professor) ran into just such an issue when we were travelling to Mexico with him; I was 18 at the time but [sister] was still a minor and the airline was dithering about letting him bring her aboard. He did a kinder-gentler version of the same look my mom gave the passport agency. She got on board.

However, even more cynically (and this is definitely not how the world ought to be!), it's possible that the bureaucrat with whom Tana was dealing thought "There can only be one legal parent of the female gender." rather than "The genetic mother is attempting to spirit her child out of the country from under the nose of the legal mother." I don't rightly know, as I know only what you've told me in your LJ entry. Here's to hoping Canada moves forward in acknowledging /real/ families' rights to their own children!

Re: legitimate families and non-custodial genetic parents' abducting their own children

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Actually, Bonnie told the story much better than I, but apparently the bureaucrat was more confused than anything.

[crazysoph.livejournal.com]

I find it offensive to hear religious leaders wanting to deny others the same basic human rights that allow minorities to practice their beliefs without fear of discrimination in Canada.

Hear, hear.

That's all. I just found this basic connumdrum suscinctly put.

Crazy(ooops, that's.... thunder! In Ireland. Think I better go...)Soph

[apel.livejournal.com]

I agree with all that's been said. I also think that it shouldn't take two well articulated professionals months to get a passport for their child just because they happen to be the same gender. It should be a smooth process that anybody who is barely literate can handle. Getting a passport is a right you have as a citizen, not a priviledge.

Re: legitimate families and non-custodial genetic parents' abducting their own children

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

That does sound likelier.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, it struck me when I heard this news report that much of the opposition to same-sex marriage is coming from other minorities. We're facing an important vote in Parliament soon. Prime Minister Paul Martin supports same-sex marriage, but the vote is expected to be close.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You made a good point. Tana is an experienced activist who knew all the avenues to pursue. Many parents would not have known what to do. We are all bewildered as to why Egale didn't show an interest.