Divine dissatisfaction

[vaneramos]

Frost pattern: hall window


Yesterday was the first morning cold enough to form proper frost patterns on the windows, but the temperature is rising again. So much is happening.

In therapy group, we spent 50 minutes discussing my experience growing up gay, joining the ex-gay movement, coming out, being ostracized by the church, and how it all contributes to automatic thinking affecting my moods. I've never picked over it that way before, in a room with eight other people.

Tonight is set-up and dress rehearsal for tomorrow's concert. I'll spend five hours at the church.

Meanwhile, I've achieved pure creative mode, so focused that everything else falls away. It's the chapbook. I forgot to write the usual LJ post yesterday, which practically never happens. Perfectionism has set in. I prefer to call it divine dissatisfaction. Unhappy with some of my original choices, I've felt compelled to write new poems.

Last night I composed "A community of lovers," which existed as no more than an idea for two years. I have a rambling first draft. Never trust a new poem. It must settle and undergo a revision process.

I'm tired, too. Balance is needed. I'm heading to the gym to try harmonizing body and mind.

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Another photo is posted in texture.