Goldsworthy and solitude

[vaneramos]

Friday night Danny and I watched Rivers and Tides, a documentary about Andy Goldsworthy, renowned for creating ephemeral outdoor sculptures with natural materials. It was an excellent meditative film. It began in Nova Scotia, presumably in Minas Basin, noted for the world’s highest tides. It’s near Brier Island, where my daughters and I spent a memorable day last summer. Goldsworthy worked on the tidal flats, making offerings to the ocean.

I was struck by the statement that he savours time alone; people drain his energy. This is was one my core dilemmas.

I wonder how to balance solitude with polyamory. I have considered relationships this way: when you love deeply enough, it overflows to others. I cannot imagine restricting myself to a single partner. But what if our relationship requires as much energy as I’m comfortable expending on intimacy? I’ve enjoyed trying to spend more time with various friends lately, but it spreads me thin. This weekend I’ve been content to be entirely, quietly with him.

I don’t know which perspective to take: whether I’m cheating myself by isolating from more social opportunities, or whether I should embrace introversion and the heart of creativity that flourishes in my monk’s cell.

Comments

[bearfinch.livejournal.com]

One of the best articles I have ever read, about any topic, is this little piece on being an introvert. It really changed my perspective on my own introversion..

http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/couples/conflicts/caring-introvert.htm

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

I wonder how to balance solitude with polyamory.

That's a toughie. I admittedly sacrificed a lot being in a relationship with one man, let alone the two I have now. Setting rules from the get-go is your best bet, but still won't guarantee one of your partners will want to monopolize your time or become jealous of your independence. Still, if you were upfront about your need for solitude from the beginning, at least you don't have to blame yourself.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I don't know about pompous, but it was a helpful comment. I thought about it frequently the past few days.

I became reclusive as a teenager. I've generally blamed my parents for ignoring or neglecting me, not helping me become more socialized. But considering that from a different perspective, they allowed me to spend extensive time in a quiet, creatively fertile space.

I seem to have a different concept emerging of myself and my experiences, one less broken. Certainly I have had some dreadful loneliness (and tried to have relationships with people who didn't appreciate or respect the importance of my private time and space), but that isn't the case now. Perhaps it's time I embrace what I've learned: the value and benefits of solitude, not only to me, but to those I care about, and society in general. I started to realize it almost ten years ago, but recently (mostly through LiveJournal) I've come to know other people who understand and practice it, which helps me believe it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Hehe, that was cute and perfectly true. Thanks for pointing it out. I have internalized a few misconceptions about introverts, blaming it on insufficient parents for one thing. It's time to shrug that off and fully appreciate the richness of my own private life.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's starting to make sense why I've often fallen for unattainable men: I liked them unattainable because I didn't want them intruding! Now that I've attained an enjoyable relationship with another introvert who never acts intrusively, I've begun wondering whether I might be capable of other flavours of relationship. Maybe, maybe not. It seems essential to maintain plenty of time and space for myself.

[bearfinch.livejournal.com]

My parents used to drive me nuts about "needing to get out and socialize" more when I was a teenager, and really gave me the feeling that introversion is a bad, negative trait.

Now, if I had been social and been out alot they would have compalined about everyone I hung out with or dated and worried endlessly about me being too wild. There's no winning with parents, I think.