Ego does not live

[vaneramos]

First of all, I don't usually post birthday greetings here, but special congratulations are in order to my special friend ghostsandrobots for surviving her third decade. I hope that part of me living in Pittsburgh (is it the left side or the right?) gets spoilt rotten today.

The art class is having the desired effect: I draw a little each day, even managing to produce one finished piece. I want to create something entirely different from usual, perhaps a collage. I would like it to illustrate the community matrix that is LiveJournal. But after days of experimentation I end up instead with an image representing one relationship that recently became closer.

We are dark and light together, but this difference does not repel. It is magnetism. I want to convey the electric intimacy. I have previously loved men who felt deep and dark. Those relationships usually ended badly, because I fell into the well and lost sight of my life and purpose. Now I can stand back from my feelings, appreciate and enjoy them for what they are without drowning.

I have a lot going on these days. During free time I feel reclusive, and don't spend much time connecting online here. I try to honour my desire for solitude, but where is the balance? I need my friends, and friendship requires investment. I doubt whether I'm being sensible.

A visit from Danny makes me feel better (we haven't had much time together lately). He stops here for the night en route to a spinning and weaving event in London. He takes me for breakfast at Angel's Diner, which reminds us of the honey-bunny scene in Pulp Fiction. Waiting with him to board the train this morning I feel more grounded than yesterday.

The Rainbow Chorus gives its two spring concerts this weekend: 8 p.m. tonight at Parkminster United Church in Waterloo, and 8 p.m. Saturday at Harcourt United Church in Guelph. Tickets at the door cost $20. I'm not as excited about this as I was for the one in January. It's just fluff, and people are tired after a long year of singing.

So I'm back working purely in Prismacolor after all (the collage will have to wait). However, this level of darkness is a departure from habit. I don't intend to send this particular drawing to Denver, but it carries me in that direction. The details in the dark colours are mostly lost on my monitor. I trust they'll be better visible for you.