Death

[vaneramos]

Many times a day, weariness would catch Mom and she would lie on the couch. Often she would talk. The words were usually unintelligible, but the tone was always earnest, as if she were explaining something.

Usually after sleeping soundly for a few minutes she would wake halfway and push into the usual sitting position, propped on the good left arm, leaning partly forward, trembling and teetering. Then she would drift in and out. She spent much of the time that way. If she had some liquid food nearby she would often hold it resolutely. Sooner or later it would spill on her slacks or sweater. It looked like she might topple onto the floor at any moment, but never did.

It looked like she was stubbornly holding onto wakefulness, purpose or life, as if her life-long energy fought against the downward pull of the body.

The last day of my visit, she said that it was easier to breathe in that position. I suppose the leftward, forward slouch also kept pressure off the swollen right side of her body. Even so, the image of her sitting that way will always remind me of her tenacity and optimism.

One day she said, "I'm ready to die, but I'm not enthusiastic about it."

Just as I was writing those words, just this moment, Dad phoned to tell me that Mom had passed on within the past hour. I guess I must have been with her in some way.

Comments

[rticboy.livejournal.com]

HUGS!

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Van. We are thinking of you and your family. *hugs*

[jwg.livejournal.com]

Van:

I'm sorry to hear this - my condolences and sympathy. It's tough to lose one's Mother; mine died 10 years ago and I still miss her a lot. But she was ready and said some things quite similar to what you just wrote that your mother said:

One day she said, "I'm ready to die, but I'm not enthusiastic about it."

[winterknight.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, Van. I'm glad you had those positive experiences with her recently. I hope your family will be well.

[stephe.livejournal.com]

You have our (mine and queenmomcat's deep condolences on your loss.

[mattycub.livejournal.com]

Oh, Van. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my condolences, and you are in my thoughts.

[champdaddy.livejournal.com]

sincere sympathies.

[hankdmoose.livejournal.com]

My thoughts go out to you and your family, Van.

[ironbark.livejournal.com]

My deep sympathies goes with you. Your simple but lovely description of your mothers passing brought tears to my eyes as it made me recall Gary's recent passing.

[quillon.livejournal.com]

My condolances on your loss. Expect lots of hugs the next time we make it up north.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

There is nothing to say except I love you and am with you as much as I can be.

*long, quiet hug*

[susandennis]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Van. Your Mom was a gem.

[halation.livejournal.com]

oh, van. i'm so sorry to read this news. you'll be in my thoughts. please, take good care of yourself. much love your way from our little family in tucson.

<3

[bixie.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that you were able to have this recent time with her, that you were able to connect and know that she had embraced parts of you that she'd struggled with, and that you were able to hear her when she told you she was ready to go.

I hope you have plenty of friends and family around you for support through this loss. you'll be in my thoughts from out here.

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

My deepest condolences to you and your daughters, and thank you for being willing to share with us her courageous journey into the long night. Peace be with you all.

Namaste.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

I'm holding you and your whole family in my heart, dearest. All my love and sympathy.

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

Van-
I am holding you and your family as tenderly as I can, in my thoughts, in my prayers and in my heart. My best to you and your family.

[djjo.livejournal.com]

My deepest sympathy to you and the rest of your family. I am home now. I called to let Sarah know I'm here when you get back.

Long hugs.

[e-musings.livejournal.com]

Oh, Van, please accept my condolences. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts. Take care of you.

[paulintoronto.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss, Van.

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, dear sweet one. You are very much on my mind right now.
xo

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

many hugs, both for tonight and in the coming weeks and months.

...

[wonderboynj.livejournal.com]

Van I'm so sorry *hugs*

Van...

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

We are here like a drop of rain on a leaf
or the sunlight that shines through the trees,
but even though our footprints might fade,
we are still remembered for the imprint it leaves on our heart

Godspeed to you Van. My deepest condolences to you.

[poetbear.livejournal.com]

(((Van)))~paul

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you Van.

Love and support


Connor

if there is ANYTHING i can do for you please let me know

[bezigebij.livejournal.com]

This left me breathless. Scared to breathe. I could feel the end coming. Apparently, so could you.

I wish you much stength and love in this time.

[apel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Van.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

oh, van. my deep sympathies. but i must say how much i admire the spirit with which she endured her illness and decline. every time you've written about her, i've been so impressed. thank you for letting us get to know her just a little.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Condolences, Van. Wholehearted, empathetic condolences.

[mattcallow.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you.

just a confirmation

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

I see stephe saw this entry first; you do, most definitely, have both of our condolences.

[lilactime.livejournal.com]

Sincere condolences Van.

[clarkelane.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

[rfmcdpei.livejournal.com]

You, and all of yours, have my deepest sympathies. I'm so sorry, Van.

[writer00.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you, Van.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Good shivers. A peaceful passing. I love what she said about not being enthusiastic, though ready.... Sympathies, Van.

[fr-defenestrato.livejournal.com]

Much love to you. I hope and trust you have the strength to get through the pain.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Van. My deepest sympathies.

[kent4str.livejournal.com]

So sorry, sweetie. Big hugs to you and your family.

But, I have to admit, I really like that quote. I can hear my own grandmother saying it before she passed away.

[justapostcard.livejournal.com]

please accept my sympathy, van. my thoughts are with you in these coming days...