Update on solitude

[vaneramos]

It has taken me years of living alone, all the while knowing how much solitude meant to me, to get anywhere near a sense of peace and balance with it. I used to use it too much as an escape, and at times I was terribly lonely.

Just this week I achieved a level or orderliness as never before (partly because Dad was coming to visit on the weekend, and he is so meticulous, and the thought of him dealing with the mess made me uncomfortable, but this is also part of a process that has little to do with him). The apartment is both more functional for me and hospitable toward others than it has ever been. It's exciting. It's lovely having uncluttered spaces in which to work, and not getting depressed every time I walk into the kitchen. My own experience of personal space, boundaries and creative time continues to evolve.

Sometimes I'm still at odds with the loneliness, and want change the situation. Perhaps I will, but at the moment most considerations point toward staying here alone. It doesn't discourage me to think I'm 44 and still working out these issues. They're immensely important. The journey is rich.

This was a comment I made elsewhere, repeated here as a personal signpost.

Comments

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Speaking of which...

Might you be interested in a short-term visit from me this summer?

You can e-mail me at dakoopst@yahoo.com if you want to keep this discussion off-journal...

[willowing.livejournal.com]

thank you for sharing. it was deeply moving to me to have shared this part of yourself. x

[missprune.livejournal.com]

"It's lovely having uncluttered spaces in which to work" - how true - just two days ago I (almost by accident) created such a space for myself, and realized with a shock that it has been years perhaps since I had such a space - how have I managed, and why didn't I notice? Now I have a card table near a sunny window, and a chair to fit it and it's just for me... (an issue of living with a mate). Suddenly, I can do things with ease and pleasure that were just unwieldy on the dining room table in its rather dim and chilly place, and ever furnished with all the items my husband likes to drop off on it as he comes home... I'm so inspired, I bought materials for making cards again, something I love to do. There's something very powerful about organizing and simplifying our surroundings, isn't there!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome. I needed to record this, as a reminder to myself when I get unfocused and panicky. ;-)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I am excited to read that you worked this out! It seems we sometimes need to eke out a new space to give ourselves a fresh beginning. I've experienced a long rut involving my desktop computer, which I use to escape the way many people use a T.V. Simple setting myself up in a different chair with the laptop has given me a new lease on productivity. I go to that space to work, and I protect it for that purpose.

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

the one thing I look forward to in having my own place is order and neatness. I have none of that right now.

When I do get my own place, I also am looking forward to the solitude.

Now, you should take some pictures so the rest of us can see your place.

[token-otter.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. I'm sorry I have been everywhere but nearby these past months. :( I've been kind of in my own little world >