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vaneramosI realized I had become a Christian while taking a piss in the public washroom at War Memorial Hall during a screening of Gandhi. I was 19.
The process began a few months earlier during first year at University of Guelph when I met Scott. He was outspoken, aloof and one of the most strikingly handsome men I have ever known. He was my first serious infatuation after high school. He was also a Christian. We become close friends, though I always competed for his attention with Rob, who became his roommate the following year.
The night after our final exam in April 1983, the three of us got drunk: Rob and Scott on beer, myself on Amaretto. In that inebriated state, Scott told me for the first time about the love of God, and how much he liked praying, reading the Bible and talking to other people about God's truth.
That summer I started reading the Bible myself. It seemd to provide answers to my questions, at least it inspired hope in the midst of my general misery. Loneliness was a pervasive theme in my life, and I needed a friend. The Psalms and New Testament told me about a God who was an ever-present companion. He forgave everything. Surely he would even forgive my homosexuality.
I had a Gideons Pocket Bible that had been handed out to my grade 6 class. At the back, several pages of verses outlined the Gospel about human sin, God's love, the threat of Hell, and the miraculous solution of Christ's death on the Cross. It was the first time I had ever heard of a solution to my own self-hatred. I cried a lot.
The night of August 28, 1983 was hot and sticky at Poplar Bluff. I was working a summer job at Harrow Agricultural Research Station. My parents had gone to the cottage for a week, so I was alone and lonely at home. I had moved to a downstairs guest room close to the air conditioner, which groaned at full power. I found the Gospel verses and read them in sequence for the first time. In my depressed state, salvation looked like the thing I needed to make my life work. I prayed the Sinner's Prayer, writing in my name and the date underneath.
The following week back in Guelph I was anxious and exultant to tell Scott what had happened. His response was encouraging but cautious. He invited me sto start attending Sunday services with him at University Bible Studies.
The first Saturday evening after classes began Scott, Rob and I walked across campus from South Residence to see the movie Gandhi at War Memorial Hall. A friend of theirs had saved seats for us. He was a short firecracker of a man named Ching Yu. He had all the enthusiasm of a pack of golden retrievers, and the courtesy and tenacity of a pack of pit bulls. He was a student leader at University Bible Studies, and delighted to meet Scott's new friend.
At intermission I found myself in the midst of a stampede to piss and ended up in a crowded washroom with Ching Yu at the urinal beside me.
"So Bill," he said (I went by my first name until 1996), "I hear you became a Christian."
His eager, oratorial voice was easily overheard by those around us. The man standing on the other side of me, and several lined up behind us, gave us strange glances.
"Well," I said, "I don't know. My family isn't religious and I don't go to church."
He grinned: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour?"
More looks from those around us.
"Yes," I stammered.
"Then Bill!" Ching Yu proclaimed exuberantly. "Congratulations, you're a Christian!"
It was sheer luck that this conversation happened while I was already peeing in a urinal.
The process began a few months earlier during first year at University of Guelph when I met Scott. He was outspoken, aloof and one of the most strikingly handsome men I have ever known. He was my first serious infatuation after high school. He was also a Christian. We become close friends, though I always competed for his attention with Rob, who became his roommate the following year.
The night after our final exam in April 1983, the three of us got drunk: Rob and Scott on beer, myself on Amaretto. In that inebriated state, Scott told me for the first time about the love of God, and how much he liked praying, reading the Bible and talking to other people about God's truth.
That summer I started reading the Bible myself. It seemd to provide answers to my questions, at least it inspired hope in the midst of my general misery. Loneliness was a pervasive theme in my life, and I needed a friend. The Psalms and New Testament told me about a God who was an ever-present companion. He forgave everything. Surely he would even forgive my homosexuality.
I had a Gideons Pocket Bible that had been handed out to my grade 6 class. At the back, several pages of verses outlined the Gospel about human sin, God's love, the threat of Hell, and the miraculous solution of Christ's death on the Cross. It was the first time I had ever heard of a solution to my own self-hatred. I cried a lot.
The night of August 28, 1983 was hot and sticky at Poplar Bluff. I was working a summer job at Harrow Agricultural Research Station. My parents had gone to the cottage for a week, so I was alone and lonely at home. I had moved to a downstairs guest room close to the air conditioner, which groaned at full power. I found the Gospel verses and read them in sequence for the first time. In my depressed state, salvation looked like the thing I needed to make my life work. I prayed the Sinner's Prayer, writing in my name and the date underneath.
The following week back in Guelph I was anxious and exultant to tell Scott what had happened. His response was encouraging but cautious. He invited me sto start attending Sunday services with him at University Bible Studies.
The first Saturday evening after classes began Scott, Rob and I walked across campus from South Residence to see the movie Gandhi at War Memorial Hall. A friend of theirs had saved seats for us. He was a short firecracker of a man named Ching Yu. He had all the enthusiasm of a pack of golden retrievers, and the courtesy and tenacity of a pack of pit bulls. He was a student leader at University Bible Studies, and delighted to meet Scott's new friend.At intermission I found myself in the midst of a stampede to piss and ended up in a crowded washroom with Ching Yu at the urinal beside me.
"So Bill," he said (I went by my first name until 1996), "I hear you became a Christian."
His eager, oratorial voice was easily overheard by those around us. The man standing on the other side of me, and several lined up behind us, gave us strange glances.
"Well," I said, "I don't know. My family isn't religious and I don't go to church."
He grinned: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour?"
More looks from those around us.
"Yes," I stammered.
"Then Bill!" Ching Yu proclaimed exuberantly. "Congratulations, you're a Christian!"
It was sheer luck that this conversation happened while I was already peeing in a urinal.
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-27 11:39 am (UTC)Big hugs. You told this (presumably difficult) piece of the story well.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-27 01:38 pm (UTC)I'm looking forward to reading more about your experiences along this track, given my own years as a fundie (my own acceptance date was in the late 70s, and rejection date in 1983).
no subject
Date: 2003-08-27 09:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-28 03:59 am (UTC)I started with this story because it has been told in different ways before and was easy to remember, and I don't have any specific complaints against these characters. Many of my experiences will be harder because (1) my memory is poor, and (2) I want to be fair.
I'm afraid things will not come out in sequence. I just have to tell stories as they come to me, and hopefully it won't get too confusing.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-28 04:10 am (UTC)I was just beginning when you rejected it. Looking ahead (because it will take me a while to get there), I didn't start to realize there was something wrong with my beliefs (particularly that it was okay to be gay) until 1995. I suppose my rejection date was when my marriage broke up, I left my church and decided to come out all in the same week in January 1996, but I still identified as a Christian for a few months after that. Now I'm an atheist, but I didn't come to terms with that until after 9-11.
I don't intend to criticize Christianity in general, just fundamentalism and religious homophobia.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-28 04:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-28 06:01 am (UTC)