Fall health

[vaneramos]

I have noticed a distinct change in my energy. It started a week ago, the last day Danny djjo was here. At the time I thought it was just a reaction to having an adult guest around my place for a whole weekend (it was the first time in more than a year). But the feeling has persisted. Here's what has changed:

1. I'm not as easily or as often sexually aroused.


2. I have lost some of my enthusiasm for writing.


3. I have lost interest in cooking meals for myself and would prefer to eat lots of carbohydrates.

I haven't felt a depressive mood except for one day last week, but all three of these things are red flags.

Having surfaced from a lifetime of depression, sometimes I feel like I'm seeing things for the first time, things that were there all along. These symptoms aren't new to me, but in the past they have always been tangled with a dozen other factors. Now I can see them in plain view like raw vegetables scrounged from a wild, weedy garden, lying on the table, waiting for me to peel and slice.

These symptoms are related to the change of seasons. I have a minor manifestation of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and must expect to feel a shift of hormones and energy twice a year, sometime around the Autumnul and Vernal Equinoxes. I am confident, from the experience of the past two winters, that if I walk every day and get a healthy dose of natural light, plus looking after myself in other ways, the SAD will not set in and lead to depression. What I don't remember from the last two Septembers is seeing these facts so clearly on the table before me, knowing I have a choice, to act or not, to stay healthy or let myself slide.

Part of the problem is not getting enough sleep. I never get enough: six hours a night, month after month. The difference is, for half the year it doesn't bother me. Suddenly this week I can feel the strain. I honestly don't remember how that went last year. Am I supposed to change my sleeping habits? Can I? It's like finding an old combination lock and trying to remember the numbers. What works? If I could get away from home on vacation for a while, I would sleep better, but that's not practical, and starting a job search is important.

Fortunately I know a few things that will keep me feeling better. I bet I'm starting to sound like a broken record. Or like an AA meeting with everyone reciting promises every week (Do they do that?).

Hello, my name is Van, and I am...just me.

Here are my commitments again. Drilling it into my brain this way, well, it helps:

1. Keep walking every day. The daylight keeps my body chemistry in better balance. And getting outdoors feeds my creativity. Fortunately I haven't lost interest in this.


2. Continue to spend three hours with my notebook every day, whether I write or not. This simple daily act has boosted my confidence and given me a renewed sense of purpose and pleasure in the rest of the day. I need to resist the temptation to slack off.


3. Continue eating proper meals, whether I'm interested or not. If I start eating too many carbohydrates it will put my body into hibernation mode, which in my case doesn't mean getting enough sleep, it just means I'll be more sluggish. To fend off the munchies, I have to eat proper meals. Not doing so will also compromise my immune system.

The first symptom, my decreased libido, isn't worth worrying about. I can live with it until March. It just makes me more cuddly, though some people might believe that's impossible.

Comments

[jaique.livejournal.com]

Ya gotta admit, no matter what's going on, mindfulness carries its own strange pleasure, eh? I found that biting the bullet and paying for full spectrum light bulbs was well worth it.
You, me, Stephen, Miss Prune. Doesn't anyone in this little cabal get enough sleep?

[jwg.livejournal.com]

1. Keep walking every day. The daylight keeps my body chemistry in better balance. And getting outdoors feeds my creativity. Fortunately I haven't lost interest in this.

Good idea. And take your camera with you - you've posted many wonderful photographs of what/who you see. That is another piece of you that you can share with us.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

My really bad carbo cravings haven't kicked in yet, although with how shitty my eating habits have been this year with the randomness introduced by the new house, it may be harder to tell. This week, I've actually been eating BETTER.

Hugs. I know whereof you speak.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I considered the light option a couple years ago, too, but getting outdoors everyday serves multiple purposes for me. As a naturalist I simply have to do it. And it seems to do the trick.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, this is motivational!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Heh, I actually cooked a half-decent dinner tonight. A new meat loaf recipe, peach chutney, mashed potatoes, Brussles sprouts and the last glass of white wine left over from Danny's visit.