Twenty years ago
Oct. 7th, 2003 08:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaneramosAt the beginning of 1983 I entered second semester at University of Guelph. First year I lived with Andy Elston in a "Brick Double" in South Residence. He was considered a mature student, at age 21, but partied his way through that year and ended up getting debarred.
That winter I spent many meal tickets on expensive desserts and cocktails at the Whippletree Restaurant with Kathleen Vanderhoeven, Zena Calantonio, Danielle Dowhaniuk, Scott Forfar and Mike Wade. We would also sit in the lounge late at night with Mike playing his guitar. Kathleen and her boyfriend would die in a traffic accident in 1984.
In Organic Chemistry lectures I met Dagmar Gross. She wore heavy perfume. One night she showed up at my room dressed for a costume party in a leopard skin skirt, with a mask over her eyes. She pulled a scarf off her forehead. Underneath was a sign, "Kiss me." I was too polite to refuse. She eventually got my clothes off and stroked me to orgasm. I had never been naked or aroused with a woman before. I didn't speak to her after that night.
Shelley McClanahan introduced me to her future husband, Scott Mohr, and I feel deeply in love. I also met Rob Butler and Carol Hosking. These four would become closer friends after I became a Christian. Carol and her son would die in a traffic accident in 1996,
I got monomucleosis in February, but miraculously only missed a week of classes. I got 94 per cent on the Fortran midterm which most of the class failed. In Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy we dissected sharks and minks. Karen Simpson was my lab partner in Microbiology and Organic Chemistry.
I went home for my 19th birthday in March. My high school friends threw a surprise party. My ex-girlfriend Sarah Jarvis had started dating my best friend Don Lucier and I was jealous, mostly because I had a crush on Don. We all played Trivial Pursuit for the first time that night.
In April I went home and got a summer job at Harrow Research Station collecting data on tobacco root rot virus. I went to see a movie with Don's ex-girlfriend, Lynn Langlois, so we could bitch about him and Sarah. Lynn came out as a lesbian shortly after that, but I didn't find out for many years.
In June we had a high school reunion party. Steve Robbins was one of the few of the 33 people in my grade 13 class who didn't show up. He went out with a friend instead. While driving home early the next morning he fell asleep at the wheel and died when he flew through the windshield of his car. Alcohol was not a factor, but he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I had driven home drunk that night, but I never did it again.
Our pets at home were a retriever-spaniel cross named Tanya, a long-haired cat named Grey Shadow, a short-haired cat named Smudge, and a cedar waxwing named Bandit. I drove a Plymouth station wagon.
In August I took Scott Mohr and Mike Wade to the cottage. I lay near them in the loft, sleepless with desire to touch Scott.
I also read the Bible that summer. On August 28 I prayed the sinner's prayer and committed my life to Jesus.
In September I moved into a housekeeping apartment in the same residence with Scott Forfar and Bernie Gerar. I started going to University Bible Studies, and stopped hanging out as much with Scott, Kathleen and that gang.
One evening I went swimming at the athletic centre. Afterward I saw a man watching me change. I could hardly pull my eyes away from him. He had sandy, curly hair and a moustache. Out in the hall he followed me and I stopped, pretending to read something on the wall. He came over and spoke to me. I knew what he wanted. I was fascinated, and felt guilty and terrified at the same time.
I waited around the lobby until he left, but when I got outside he had waited for me by the corner. I turned and walked in the other direction, but he followed me. I asked if he wanted to go for a drink, but he said it was Sunday night and the campus bars would be closed. He asked if I had any place to go. I told him I had a car.
I didn't know where to go. He directed me to a country road and we parked on the shoulder.
He said, "All power on."
I said, "Can we get in the back seat?"
We did. I had never touched an adult man's penis before. I started to go down on him, but didn't know how. A couple cars drove by, shaking the station wagon. For some reason he started to lose his nerve. The encounter lasted less than five minutes, and I can't remember whether either of us came. He was freaking out about getting caught and decided we should leave.
He said his name was Chuck and he was married.
I was horrified, depressed and disgusted with myself. The next day I told Scott Mohr about it. For the first time I described my orientation as homosexual rather than bisexual. Scott didn't say much, except that I could talk to him anytime I needed to.
A few days later I saw Chuck at the library, but I walked away and didn't speak to him. I never saw him again. I didn't have sex with another man for over 12 years.
That winter I spent many meal tickets on expensive desserts and cocktails at the Whippletree Restaurant with Kathleen Vanderhoeven, Zena Calantonio, Danielle Dowhaniuk, Scott Forfar and Mike Wade. We would also sit in the lounge late at night with Mike playing his guitar. Kathleen and her boyfriend would die in a traffic accident in 1984.
In Organic Chemistry lectures I met Dagmar Gross. She wore heavy perfume. One night she showed up at my room dressed for a costume party in a leopard skin skirt, with a mask over her eyes. She pulled a scarf off her forehead. Underneath was a sign, "Kiss me." I was too polite to refuse. She eventually got my clothes off and stroked me to orgasm. I had never been naked or aroused with a woman before. I didn't speak to her after that night.
Shelley McClanahan introduced me to her future husband, Scott Mohr, and I feel deeply in love. I also met Rob Butler and Carol Hosking. These four would become closer friends after I became a Christian. Carol and her son would die in a traffic accident in 1996,
I got monomucleosis in February, but miraculously only missed a week of classes. I got 94 per cent on the Fortran midterm which most of the class failed. In Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy we dissected sharks and minks. Karen Simpson was my lab partner in Microbiology and Organic Chemistry.
I went home for my 19th birthday in March. My high school friends threw a surprise party. My ex-girlfriend Sarah Jarvis had started dating my best friend Don Lucier and I was jealous, mostly because I had a crush on Don. We all played Trivial Pursuit for the first time that night.
In April I went home and got a summer job at Harrow Research Station collecting data on tobacco root rot virus. I went to see a movie with Don's ex-girlfriend, Lynn Langlois, so we could bitch about him and Sarah. Lynn came out as a lesbian shortly after that, but I didn't find out for many years.
In June we had a high school reunion party. Steve Robbins was one of the few of the 33 people in my grade 13 class who didn't show up. He went out with a friend instead. While driving home early the next morning he fell asleep at the wheel and died when he flew through the windshield of his car. Alcohol was not a factor, but he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I had driven home drunk that night, but I never did it again.
Our pets at home were a retriever-spaniel cross named Tanya, a long-haired cat named Grey Shadow, a short-haired cat named Smudge, and a cedar waxwing named Bandit. I drove a Plymouth station wagon.
In August I took Scott Mohr and Mike Wade to the cottage. I lay near them in the loft, sleepless with desire to touch Scott.
I also read the Bible that summer. On August 28 I prayed the sinner's prayer and committed my life to Jesus.
In September I moved into a housekeeping apartment in the same residence with Scott Forfar and Bernie Gerar. I started going to University Bible Studies, and stopped hanging out as much with Scott, Kathleen and that gang.
One evening I went swimming at the athletic centre. Afterward I saw a man watching me change. I could hardly pull my eyes away from him. He had sandy, curly hair and a moustache. Out in the hall he followed me and I stopped, pretending to read something on the wall. He came over and spoke to me. I knew what he wanted. I was fascinated, and felt guilty and terrified at the same time.
I waited around the lobby until he left, but when I got outside he had waited for me by the corner. I turned and walked in the other direction, but he followed me. I asked if he wanted to go for a drink, but he said it was Sunday night and the campus bars would be closed. He asked if I had any place to go. I told him I had a car.
I didn't know where to go. He directed me to a country road and we parked on the shoulder.
He said, "All power on."
I said, "Can we get in the back seat?"
We did. I had never touched an adult man's penis before. I started to go down on him, but didn't know how. A couple cars drove by, shaking the station wagon. For some reason he started to lose his nerve. The encounter lasted less than five minutes, and I can't remember whether either of us came. He was freaking out about getting caught and decided we should leave.
He said his name was Chuck and he was married.
I was horrified, depressed and disgusted with myself. The next day I told Scott Mohr about it. For the first time I described my orientation as homosexual rather than bisexual. Scott didn't say much, except that I could talk to him anytime I needed to.
A few days later I saw Chuck at the library, but I walked away and didn't speak to him. I never saw him again. I didn't have sex with another man for over 12 years.
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Introduction
Date: 2003-10-07 07:47 pm (UTC)Re: Introduction
Date: 2003-10-07 08:21 pm (UTC)Re: Introduction
Date: 2003-10-08 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-07 08:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-07 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-07 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-08 04:25 am (UTC)My niece, Robyn, was born on February 19. I had been at the cottage for the weekend with my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins. My brother phoned my room just minutes after I was dropped off, so I was the first in the family to get the news.
The following weekend I drove to London, Ontario to see the baby. I was feeling run down. I came down with mono the next day.
At my surprise birthday party I was still recovering and couldn't drink. Legal drinking age was 19 at that time (I think it has since been changed to 18 in Ontario), so I didn't have my first legal drink until a couple weeks later. I went to Der Keller with Shelley and her roommate Janine, Scott, Rob and Karen, and had a Scotch, which was Scott's favourite. He was still under-age but had a big moustache and never got asked for ID.
My nephew Scott was born later that spring. His parents were living near Mom and Dad, so we must have gone to see the baby in hospital. I don't remember anything about it. It was probably overshadowed by Steve's death.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-08 10:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-08 10:45 am (UTC)It's amazing when I think you're not much older than me. My buddy Jon who I often write about here is the same. He is 42 and his sons are 20 and 17.