My hateful plants

[vaneramos]

I used to be much less patient. You know how houseplants get pushy? Mine were like that. "Water me."

Sometimes they became aggressively demanding and started to wither, just to prove who was boss. "Water me now!"

I didn't like feeling manipulated. I couldn't handle the pressure. I would turn my back and do something else, ignoring them. But plants always win these arguments. Slowly, persistently and just to spite me, they would die. So, to prove their tactics will not work with me, I would continue to ignore them.

Plants never learn. You buy new ones and set them amongst the dried, yellow carcasses of their stupid forbeareres, but they make the same mistakes. Trying to modify their behaviour is futile.

I got tired of watching them complain all the time. I started to cave in. The plants I have now, I water dutifully and resentfully. I even feed them.

I'm pathetic, I know.

Of course they take me for granted. Once in a while one of them will get carried away and wilt a little. But none of them have actually died recently.

They're not exactly flourishing. I think they feel guilty. And so they should.

Comments

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Buy plastic ones. That'll show 'em.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Then I would have no taste, which would make me feel bad.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Are you saying plastic flowers are icky? Next thing you'll be poo-poohing polyester.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Darling, I wear only natural fibre against my delicate skin.

[melanie.livejournal.com]

*laugh* i resemble this, which is pathetic because i'm supposed to be the Herb Lady. hah.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Who is the Herb Lady?

[melanie.livejournal.com]

me! i am she. foraging is one of my more visible mental tiks, and i generally have huge herb gardens wherever i live. but houseplants...i don't know.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Ah, just like me. I should have clued in, with your name. I particularly loved foraging for wild herbs when I was a teenager. And I design gardens to require a minimum of care, so I have a greener thumb outdoors (and herbs tend to be fairly hardy, bonus). Unfortunately I don't have space for a garden here, so I have had to make my peace with houseplants, otherwise I would go mad.

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

There must be an international conspiracy among plants! Mine are getting all uppity, too.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's a problem this time of year. Just when the days are getting short and we shouldn't have to expend any energy, and they really should stop growing, they just keeping demanding attention.

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

They should learn how to water themselves. But then they might say, "Why the hell am I living here? That house across the street looks nicer, gets more light."