Improvement

[vaneramos]

After that Friday evening post about depression my mood improved. In hindsight I was already on an upswing. Saturday—and each morning since then—I woke up feeling normal instead of anxious and resentful, which is my most obvious indicator. Here are some things that probably contributed to the improvement:

1. Daily walks. They had become sporadic. Wednesday I got back in the habit. Daylight is the most important benefit (there are others) but it takes several days to kick in. There's no quick fix, and I have to be disciplined about it, which is annoying. Sitting and sulking is easier, except it becomes toxic and agonizing after a while.


2. Acknowledging that I was depressed. That's the hardest part. Nobody wants to be overcome by misery, especially after being taught to believe that depression equals imcompetence. Facing the problem and realizing I can do something about it is the biggest part of the battle.


3. Talking to people about it. Emotional isolation is an important symptom (in my case) and it feeds back into the problem. Staying connected with people keeps me well.

I realize that depression is an illness that requires treatment, and a grin-and-bear-it approach does not do the trick. Using one's head to get out of depression will not work if the brain is malfunctioning. My cognitive approach has evolved out of years of medication and therapy, and learning what actions can make a difference. I think I beat it this time, but my rule of thumb is that if it goes on for more than two weeks without relief I will speak to a doctor.

I'm not out of the woods. This is a hard time of year and I'm still scared out of my skin about being unemployed, but at least I don't feel like I'm eating myself from the inside.

I want to especially thank my friends who took time to offer encouragement directly or indirectly, and generally the LJ community, which ameliorates my sense of isolation when other relationships aren't going so well; also for the opportunity to acknowledge and discuss it.

I won't offer any snow pictures today. It's raining. Rain I can handle. Snow I can handle. But rain on snow? Not today.

I'm not going to the park. I'm going shopping.

Comments

[melanie.livejournal.com]

that's probably why you *could* write about it, because you were already on the upswing. that's how it tends to be for me, anyway. regardless of the reasons why the down, and regardless of how you manage to get back up, i'm glad you're getting back up.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's hard to tell. Looking back I can see a couple of turning points. One of them was on Tuesday morning, when I got the idea about "outward action." Sometimes I can almost feel the inner machinery click back into the right place, one gear at a time. After that it took me several days to form the will to take action—walking, talking to Danny, writing about it, talking to another friend—but by Saturday I was feeling better.

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

((((((Van))))))))

Wish I could be there to join you in your impromptu shopping expedition. We'd have a blast! I guess I'd have to *tone it down* a bit in order not to turn too many busybody heads in Beautiful Downtown Guelph, though.

Hope you're feeling better, babe, when you read these words.

snuggly hugs, Shimmer

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Tone it down? Why? Downtown Guelph is less conservative than you might expect.

But this was not an impromptu outing. I was Christmas shopping for my daughters. Alas, I did not finish.

keep up the hard work

[dubious-one.livejournal.com]

that's it! keep on fighting those demons. you're an inspiration to all of (us).

*kisses*

Re: keep up the hard work

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I hope I can be.

[rfmcdpei.livejournal.com]

As a sufferer of depression myself, I empathize. LJ does serve as an effective community to share, doesn't it?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it has been very supportive.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Speaking of hugs, I will be in TO Dec. 29 to Jan. 2. Hopefully we can connect.

big warm hugs and loving thoughts to you Van

[djjo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad things are on the upswing for you. I hope they can stay that way.

Good luck with the shopping and be talking with you soon! Danny

Re: big warm hugs and loving thoughts to you Van

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Hugs sweet cub. Had a nice busy afternoon, didn't quite finish the Christmas shopping, though. Dinner at Sylvie's, good visit. Long to be near you. Talk soon. Big hugs.

[twillhead.livejournal.com]

Great post, and one I wished I had read before posting my little drama-queen tirade last night. I was going to delete it but guysterrules told me to leave it up as it reflects what I was feeling in that moment. Anyway, you are doing all the right things to take care of yourself, and that's what is important. Good opportunity to tell you that much of your writings in Silvan's Glade helps to keep me as near to center as humanly possible, for which I am most heartily and profoundly grateful.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's important to let your writings stand as they are. We don't do ourselves any service my suppressing parts of ourselves. In fact that is probably a cause of depression for many of us. It helpful to be able to have some sense of humour about our most negative moments.

I haven't given much thought to the website lately. I'm considering a major overhaul. Nothing there is irrelevant to my life now, but some aspects have expanded while others have drawn into the background. I would like to incorporate more of my photography and creative writing. We shall see.