Risk-taking and fear
Feb. 6th, 2004 12:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaneramosTough questions from...
1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
I am essentially a worrier and have never derived much of a thrill from taking risks. The most daring thing I ever did was come out of the closet, and I was forced to that decision by mental health. I knew it would cost me my marriage, my church and most of my friendships. For a few weeks in 1995, when my marriage started to come apart, I was suicidal. I didn't expect to lose my family's support or face the threat of losing access to my children, but I did. If I had forseen those risks, I don't know what I would have done. But by the time they happened, I had already left my miserable marriage and started to feel better about myself.
2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
Approval is irrelevant. I have experienced my mother's disapproval time and again, and I continue to do things she would disapprove of if she knew about them. The only person who holds me back from doing things I want to do is myself. What I want more than anything is to pursue a writing career, but fear of failure keeps getting in the way.
3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
Three. Extreme sports, for example, hold no appeal. The main exception would be sex. In that arena I have an adventurous side, but I have already explored most of the kinks that appeal to me, and have few unfulfilled fantasies. As time goes on, I find that sensuality and affection turn me on more than anything, but with a little spice on the side from time to time. In other aspects of life I am more cautious.
4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
Accepting my sexuality, coming out of the closet and facing the consequences was a difficult and painful process of letting go, but it has made me a better person.
5. ... and what's the worst?
A lone sexual adventure on the evening of Oct. 28, 2002 caused me a serious injury, which complicated my life for the next six months. I have fully recovered. I haven't told the story in detail yet, and this is not the place or time.
1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
I am essentially a worrier and have never derived much of a thrill from taking risks. The most daring thing I ever did was come out of the closet, and I was forced to that decision by mental health. I knew it would cost me my marriage, my church and most of my friendships. For a few weeks in 1995, when my marriage started to come apart, I was suicidal. I didn't expect to lose my family's support or face the threat of losing access to my children, but I did. If I had forseen those risks, I don't know what I would have done. But by the time they happened, I had already left my miserable marriage and started to feel better about myself.
2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
Approval is irrelevant. I have experienced my mother's disapproval time and again, and I continue to do things she would disapprove of if she knew about them. The only person who holds me back from doing things I want to do is myself. What I want more than anything is to pursue a writing career, but fear of failure keeps getting in the way.
3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
Three. Extreme sports, for example, hold no appeal. The main exception would be sex. In that arena I have an adventurous side, but I have already explored most of the kinks that appeal to me, and have few unfulfilled fantasies. As time goes on, I find that sensuality and affection turn me on more than anything, but with a little spice on the side from time to time. In other aspects of life I am more cautious.
4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
Accepting my sexuality, coming out of the closet and facing the consequences was a difficult and painful process of letting go, but it has made me a better person.
5. ... and what's the worst?
A lone sexual adventure on the evening of Oct. 28, 2002 caused me a serious injury, which complicated my life for the next six months. I have fully recovered. I haven't told the story in detail yet, and this is not the place or time.
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Quick, Watson, the needle!
Date: 2004-02-06 12:14 pm (UTC)The Nymph of the Eramosa whispered to me this afternoon that she misses your big beard, and startling, vivid gaze.
xo, Shimmer
Re: Quick, Watson, the needle!
Date: 2004-02-06 12:52 pm (UTC)xo