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vaneramosSunday afternoon was a gem. Danny ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
djjo and I arrived downtown 45 minutes early, so we stood outside on the bus platform, enjoying the fresh air and bright reflections of sunshine.
Today has been one of revelation. Writing about anxiety has allowed me join together some themes in my life, glimpsing a stretch of the path forward through wilderness.
A few months ago a LJ friend, on one of our first meetings in person, asked in the course of casual interaction, "Are you feeling self-conscious?" I was startled. I felt nothing out of the ordinary, in fact I was relatively happy in his company.
"I'm alright," I replied, laughing nervously. "Self-consciousness is a fact of my life. It doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself."
The exact same thing happened last week. Another new acquaintance, the first time we have met outside a public place.
"Are you uncomfortable about something?" he asked.
I had to explain myself again. The fact that this anxiety is so obvious to people who barely know me only aggravates the problem. In fact I have trouble relaxing in most social situations and there are very, very few people with whom I feel at ease most of the time. Perhaps only two. My friend Jon is one of them.
The other is Danny. Part of the reason most of my romantic relationships have fizzled is that I couldn't let my guard down. Lacking a sense of confidence about how I fit in the relationship, I was always afraid to be and give of myself. Danny's gentleness and optimism, which are naturally his but I like to think I encourage, make me feel free.
See for yourself.
djjo and I arrived downtown 45 minutes early, so we stood outside on the bus platform, enjoying the fresh air and bright reflections of sunshine.Today has been one of revelation. Writing about anxiety has allowed me join together some themes in my life, glimpsing a stretch of the path forward through wilderness.
A few months ago a LJ friend, on one of our first meetings in person, asked in the course of casual interaction, "Are you feeling self-conscious?" I was startled. I felt nothing out of the ordinary, in fact I was relatively happy in his company.
"I'm alright," I replied, laughing nervously. "Self-consciousness is a fact of my life. It doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself."
The exact same thing happened last week. Another new acquaintance, the first time we have met outside a public place.
"Are you uncomfortable about something?" he asked.
I had to explain myself again. The fact that this anxiety is so obvious to people who barely know me only aggravates the problem. In fact I have trouble relaxing in most social situations and there are very, very few people with whom I feel at ease most of the time. Perhaps only two. My friend Jon is one of them.
The other is Danny. Part of the reason most of my romantic relationships have fizzled is that I couldn't let my guard down. Lacking a sense of confidence about how I fit in the relationship, I was always afraid to be and give of myself. Danny's gentleness and optimism, which are naturally his but I like to think I encourage, make me feel free.
See for yourself.
