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Sep. 25th, 2003
My body's drama queen
Sep. 25th, 2003 04:12 pmI felt depressed this morning, the worst in months. These mornings scare me to pieces. After bumming around for a couple hours, I shovelled myself out the door for a walk. The sky was sharp and bright as needles, making me weepy.
The sun, river and woods eventually cheered me up, but arriving home I still felt listless.
An hour ago I sneezed. Then I sneezed again, and felt a telltale prickle in the back of my throat.
So that bad mood this morning was just my delicate nervous system raising the usual red flag that something was wrong.
In the past my brain has gone off the deep end over some serious shit. I spent many years barely coping, so I'm relieved when the problem has a simple explanation. I know the feeling won't drag on for a couple weeks, or through the end of November. The past couple years have been mostly good, and I'm growing in confidence that the lessons I've learned about self-care are paying off.
A cold I can handle. I need a new bottle of Advil.
The sun, river and woods eventually cheered me up, but arriving home I still felt listless.
An hour ago I sneezed. Then I sneezed again, and felt a telltale prickle in the back of my throat.
So that bad mood this morning was just my delicate nervous system raising the usual red flag that something was wrong.
In the past my brain has gone off the deep end over some serious shit. I spent many years barely coping, so I'm relieved when the problem has a simple explanation. I know the feeling won't drag on for a couple weeks, or through the end of November. The past couple years have been mostly good, and I'm growing in confidence that the lessons I've learned about self-care are paying off.
A cold I can handle. I need a new bottle of Advil.
Why I quit being an INFP
Sep. 25th, 2003 08:21 pmI meandered into a friend of a friend's journal and found someone who did the Meyer's-Briggs test and scored INFP:
That describes how I was at the end of my sojourn as a born-again Christian. When I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1995, my doctor said, "You have to stop caring so much what other people think."
I had a hard time swallowing this advice, as one who saw his purpose in life to become more Christlike, dying to self, sacrificing his welfare so that others might know God.
At the time I said, "How do I just stop?"
There is no easy answer.
It was helpful to realize that if I didn't look after myself, I would have no heart left for my children or anyone else. I started to concentrate on being my own best friend, doing things for myself that gave pleasure, trusting myself to pull through the hard times.
I also returned to the love of nature I had as a child. Christian fundamentalism had taught me to devalue it as corrupted by sin and alienated from God's original creation. I purged that misconception and put the Earth back at the core of my sprituality.
I also had an overdeveloped sense of honour which made me trust people too easily and end up being disappointed or betrayed when they proved only human. I doubt that I will ever be cynical or pessimistic where people are concerned, but I have learned to use caution. I'm more inclined to rely on a community of friends than any individual.
It was a combination of factors, but altogether I started appreciating the physical world more, and worrying about people a little less. I never stopped caring, but my emphasis shifted.
Neither INFPs nor compassionate Christians are necessarily pathologically obsessed, to their own detriment, with what is happening in other people's minds. Caring and honour are great virtues, but I had too much of them. I was the archetypical idealist (NF), to the point of tragedy. My personality didn't suit my temperament. I had to stop taking life so seriously.
This is me now. A person can change his personality to save his life.
INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Calm and pleasant face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 1% of the total population.
That describes how I was at the end of my sojourn as a born-again Christian. When I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1995, my doctor said, "You have to stop caring so much what other people think."
I had a hard time swallowing this advice, as one who saw his purpose in life to become more Christlike, dying to self, sacrificing his welfare so that others might know God.
At the time I said, "How do I just stop?"
There is no easy answer.
It was helpful to realize that if I didn't look after myself, I would have no heart left for my children or anyone else. I started to concentrate on being my own best friend, doing things for myself that gave pleasure, trusting myself to pull through the hard times.
I also returned to the love of nature I had as a child. Christian fundamentalism had taught me to devalue it as corrupted by sin and alienated from God's original creation. I purged that misconception and put the Earth back at the core of my sprituality.
I also had an overdeveloped sense of honour which made me trust people too easily and end up being disappointed or betrayed when they proved only human. I doubt that I will ever be cynical or pessimistic where people are concerned, but I have learned to use caution. I'm more inclined to rely on a community of friends than any individual.
It was a combination of factors, but altogether I started appreciating the physical world more, and worrying about people a little less. I never stopped caring, but my emphasis shifted.
Neither INFPs nor compassionate Christians are necessarily pathologically obsessed, to their own detriment, with what is happening in other people's minds. Caring and honour are great virtues, but I had too much of them. I was the archetypical idealist (NF), to the point of tragedy. My personality didn't suit my temperament. I had to stop taking life so seriously.
ISFP - "Artist". Interested in the fine arts. Expression primarily through action or art form. The senses are keener than in other types. 5% of the total population.
This is me now. A person can change his personality to save his life.