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Nov. 23rd, 2003
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Infatuation and love
Nov. 23rd, 2003 11:11 amThis post started as a comment to one of my friends.
I'm no authority on love. I've made my share of mistakes. I've fallen into infatuation so many times that I believed it was the only way for me, that I was doomed to always fall hard and fast and far, to feel hopelessly lost, to blaze like a brush fire, drive people away with my passionate need, and finally smoulder alone.
When someone is sexually attracted to another person, there is a rush of body chemistry. The level of certain neurotransmitters increases in the brain. This causes sleeplessnes. It causes the heart to beat faster. Often it's just a brief flutter, but sometimes two people connect more profoundly and it builds to overwhelming proporitions. What you're feeling is a natural response. It will not kill you. I have tried so hard to understand my own feelings that I researched and wrote an essay on the chemistry of love.
If two people become romantically involved, these feelings can help them start to form a bond. Otherwise you are left with a body chemically charged for mating with no one to focus that energy upon.
Infatuation often happens when we meet someone who seems to fulfill unresolved emotional needs. This relates to our own incomplete development, and is not particularly flattering to the person we're focused on. It gets in the way because it causes people to behave differently from how they usually are. It's not the best way of getting to know someone. When those heady hormonal feelings are manageable, they can serve as a prelude to something deeper, but they do not last forever. I have learned to associate them more with sexual need than with emotional fulfilment.
The kind of love that lasts doesn't come in a rush, but over time, from getting to know a person. Love without infatuation is a gentle feeling. It feels happy, and it is kind to the one who is loved. It does not make demands or seek to possess him.
I think I'm in love right now. It's different from anything I have felt before. For various reasons I bypassed the infatuation stage when I met him in July, mostly because I didn't expect anything to happen between us. We made no demands of one another, we just liked being together. I felt the sexual rush, but it never latched on and dug in, it just felt like an overtone to good sex. The friendship evolved and the sex kept feeling terrific. Some other emotions came, but they were much slower to develop. I sincerely believe that if our romantic relationship could not continue, we would still be good friends, because friendship seems like the biggest part of what we already have.
I'm 39, and I didn't think I would ever learn. But I'm happy with someone now, and also happy in the growing confidence that, whatever happens with him, I am lovable and will not be alone in the future.
I'm no authority on love. I've made my share of mistakes. I've fallen into infatuation so many times that I believed it was the only way for me, that I was doomed to always fall hard and fast and far, to feel hopelessly lost, to blaze like a brush fire, drive people away with my passionate need, and finally smoulder alone.
When someone is sexually attracted to another person, there is a rush of body chemistry. The level of certain neurotransmitters increases in the brain. This causes sleeplessnes. It causes the heart to beat faster. Often it's just a brief flutter, but sometimes two people connect more profoundly and it builds to overwhelming proporitions. What you're feeling is a natural response. It will not kill you. I have tried so hard to understand my own feelings that I researched and wrote an essay on the chemistry of love.
If two people become romantically involved, these feelings can help them start to form a bond. Otherwise you are left with a body chemically charged for mating with no one to focus that energy upon.
Infatuation often happens when we meet someone who seems to fulfill unresolved emotional needs. This relates to our own incomplete development, and is not particularly flattering to the person we're focused on. It gets in the way because it causes people to behave differently from how they usually are. It's not the best way of getting to know someone. When those heady hormonal feelings are manageable, they can serve as a prelude to something deeper, but they do not last forever. I have learned to associate them more with sexual need than with emotional fulfilment.
The kind of love that lasts doesn't come in a rush, but over time, from getting to know a person. Love without infatuation is a gentle feeling. It feels happy, and it is kind to the one who is loved. It does not make demands or seek to possess him.
I think I'm in love right now. It's different from anything I have felt before. For various reasons I bypassed the infatuation stage when I met him in July, mostly because I didn't expect anything to happen between us. We made no demands of one another, we just liked being together. I felt the sexual rush, but it never latched on and dug in, it just felt like an overtone to good sex. The friendship evolved and the sex kept feeling terrific. Some other emotions came, but they were much slower to develop. I sincerely believe that if our romantic relationship could not continue, we would still be good friends, because friendship seems like the biggest part of what we already have.
I'm 39, and I didn't think I would ever learn. But I'm happy with someone now, and also happy in the growing confidence that, whatever happens with him, I am lovable and will not be alone in the future.
Quiet waters
Nov. 23rd, 2003 04:36 pmI took a break from writing to go walking in the park at 3:30. The forecast high was 13°C (54°F), unusually mild for November. The sky looked troubled, but the Eramosa was peaceful as ever.
On the horizon is the Owens Corning fibreglass plant. It's machinery creates a steady, quiet background drone that can be heard throughout parts of the park where I stroll almost every day. Its presence belies the wilderness feel of many of my images. And yet I am thankful that city and nature coexist here, otherwise my life would not have so much beauty.
On the horizon is the Owens Corning fibreglass plant. It's machinery creates a steady, quiet background drone that can be heard throughout parts of the park where I stroll almost every day. Its presence belies the wilderness feel of many of my images. And yet I am thankful that city and nature coexist here, otherwise my life would not have so much beauty.