Dream of my old love

Early this morning I awoke from a dream about sex with Dan. I don't remember any details, but I felt a strange hollowness, as if I missed him.

It's almost exactly five years since we broke up for the last time. I have dated a few decent guys, but none could replace him. I often worried I would never feel that way again.

What I feel now, for the gentle man sleeping beside me while I dreamt, is still different. My heart didn't fall out of the bottom of my chest cavity for him the way it did the instant I laid eyes on Dan. This time love came steadily and kindly despite mutual protestations that we wanted only friendship. I feel less need and dependency, more pleasure and confidence. Danny is the first man I do not habitually compare to Dan, because the comparison is irrelevant. But he is taking Dan's place in a way no one else has.

Waking for a few moments in the night I felt lonely for my old love because, at last, I have found something that makes me happier. I have tried to move on and say goodbye for five years. The last regrets are finally waving, with a wistful smile, out the back window of my soul.

Significantly, I would not have remembered this dream unless ghostsandrobots had posted a (filtered) poem that recalled it. Girl, we have too many wires crossed.

A long journey for dim sum

Danny and I had a pleasant outing today despite biting cold. Our first stop was St. Lawrence Market where we picked up a few vegies for tomorrow night's dinner. You can also find the best bagels available just about anywhere. I indulged in one warm and chewy out of the oven.

He had to stop at work for an hour. I sat and delved into Heart of Darkness while he did his thing. Then we headed for a late lunch.

To avoid the cold we decided to walk all the way through The Path, a concourse which runs under many blocks of downtown Toronto. This turned into an adventure. You have to know where you're going. Danny did, mostly, but we got caught down one dead end. What a perfect setting these tunnels would make for a post-apocalyptic thriller, a little overwhelming for a outdoors bear from a little city like Guelph. Moving from King and University in the financial district, which is practically abandonned on weekends, we neared the Eaton Centre and the corridors became more and more crowded.

Eventually we struggled to the bus terminal at Bay and Dundas. We were hot, hungry, tired of carrying groceries, and verging on cranky. We emerged from the bus terminal to run around the corner onto Dundas Street for dim sum.

This destination was indirectly inspired by androkles and currawong's recent post, after I commented to Danny that I hadn't had dim sum for about 12 years. The Chinese Palace Restaurant was unlike Sydney's East Ocean. It was quiet, almost intimate, with winter afternoon sunlight streaming in the windows. Fried shrimp dumplings, BBQ pork noodle, shark's fin dumplings, squid curry, almond jello. It was delicious.

By the end we were both ready to fall asleep in our seats, but the subway was another busy ordeal. It was a relief to get back to the house for a nap.

I have several images to post when I get home on Thursday.