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It has been years since I first read Intimacy and Solitude. It brought some sanity to my life. But right now I have a lurking feeling I'm still far from figuring out the balance.
Social situations can cause me acute anxiety. Being alone often feels safer. I've become comfortable with living by myself and venturing on occasional social forays to meet my needs for connection and intimacy. Arriving home again, I often crash, a phenomenon I usually interpret as exhaustion. But lately I've noticed some important clues. Perhaps the equation isn't so simple.
Last week I arrived in Toronto on the brink of depression. I was worried about where my life is going. I spent Thursday and Friday moving through a haze, but by Saturday it had lifted.
This long weekend was as busy as any, but I rode the wave, enjoying it moment by moment. Saturday afternoon while Danny was at work Monique and I went to Kensington Market to pick up groceries for the Sunday gathering. Later I met Danny in the Village for dinner. Sunday was spent cleaning and cooking. My friend Jon from Guelph,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
schillerium, token_otter and four other guests showed up for dinner.
Jon and I had planned to go to retro night at the Cell Block, expecting a good turnout for the Sunday night before a holiday.token_otter went with us (just let me know anytime you feel like going dancing, Steven!). We had to run through thunder, lightning and pouring rain to get there, but it was worth the trouble for my first visit to a Toronto dance club since last summer. Can't wait for the smoking ban to take effect on June 1, though.
Jon stayed overnight at the house. Monday we spent several hours in the Village, joining his coffee klatsch then going for lunch before heading home.
And here I am fending off fog again. The problem is I have trouble putting my time to good use, then I get frustrated because I'm not accomplishing the things I want to.
With my friends over the weekend—Danny, Monique, Jon, Craig and others—I was doing exactly what I wanted. And I was happy. I had a few hours alone tucked in here and there, and it was enough.
Reconsidering the crash I always experience when I get home: maybe it's not exhaustion. Maybe it's the stress of having to readjust to governing my own life again, which I don't do very well.
~~~~~~~~~~
Lilacs always lift the spirit. One of my Favourite Things.
The weather this weekend was foul, but I didn't realize how bad until I walked down to the river this afternoon. I've never seen it so flooded. Old Man Willow was surrounded by water and parts of the woods were submerged.
For fun I decided to put three images of the flooded river together into a panorama. I've never attempted this before. It isn't a wide one, just a little more than 90°, but I enjoyed the exercise. ( 900x286 )
Social situations can cause me acute anxiety. Being alone often feels safer. I've become comfortable with living by myself and venturing on occasional social forays to meet my needs for connection and intimacy. Arriving home again, I often crash, a phenomenon I usually interpret as exhaustion. But lately I've noticed some important clues. Perhaps the equation isn't so simple.
Last week I arrived in Toronto on the brink of depression. I was worried about where my life is going. I spent Thursday and Friday moving through a haze, but by Saturday it had lifted.
This long weekend was as busy as any, but I rode the wave, enjoying it moment by moment. Saturday afternoon while Danny was at work Monique and I went to Kensington Market to pick up groceries for the Sunday gathering. Later I met Danny in the Village for dinner. Sunday was spent cleaning and cooking. My friend Jon from Guelph,
schillerium, token_otter and four other guests showed up for dinner.Jon and I had planned to go to retro night at the Cell Block, expecting a good turnout for the Sunday night before a holiday.
token_otter went with us (just let me know anytime you feel like going dancing, Steven!). We had to run through thunder, lightning and pouring rain to get there, but it was worth the trouble for my first visit to a Toronto dance club since last summer. Can't wait for the smoking ban to take effect on June 1, though.Jon stayed overnight at the house. Monday we spent several hours in the Village, joining his coffee klatsch then going for lunch before heading home.
And here I am fending off fog again. The problem is I have trouble putting my time to good use, then I get frustrated because I'm not accomplishing the things I want to.
With my friends over the weekend—Danny, Monique, Jon, Craig and others—I was doing exactly what I wanted. And I was happy. I had a few hours alone tucked in here and there, and it was enough.
Reconsidering the crash I always experience when I get home: maybe it's not exhaustion. Maybe it's the stress of having to readjust to governing my own life again, which I don't do very well.
~~~~~~~~~~
Lilacs always lift the spirit. One of my Favourite Things.
The weather this weekend was foul, but I didn't realize how bad until I walked down to the river this afternoon. I've never seen it so flooded. Old Man Willow was surrounded by water and parts of the woods were submerged.
For fun I decided to put three images of the flooded river together into a panorama. I've never attempted this before. It isn't a wide one, just a little more than 90°, but I enjoyed the exercise. ( 900x286 )
