Variations

It comes as such a relief to write morning pages today. Natalie Goldberg said her spiritual mentor Katagiri Roshi suggested writing was, for Natalie, her spiritual practice. The same for me, I think. Often the words come out nonsense, scrambled; all I can do is let them flow like world madness, finding reassurance in the familiarity of process. This morning the words themselves line up, peace and order, iron filings portraying my inner magnetosphere. This is the essence of meditation, isn't it? Accepting whatever your insides give you, letting it be, learning to observe, and finding rest.

Drawing does the same, another language for what's inside. This morning I have time for that, too, before the girls stir from their beds. And surprise, surprise! I finish a fourth drawing in time to send to Denver. This one got started last week during art class, carrying familiar themes in a new direction, so I call it Variations. It contains ideas about creativity and evolution, art mimicking life.

In two hours I achieve the grounding I've desperately wanted for days. It is good. I resist the temptation to berate myself about the period of neglect. Without searching and struggling, there can be no arrival. And arrival is merely a footing toward what will come.