Sentiment

Lately I'm becoming more the son of my sentimental mother. During the past two years and more, Matty and I have talked at length about polyamory. For me it means not putting limits on love, but letting it overflow, allowing it to define itself in different ways with different people.

Several years ago I felt all passion had been spent. Approaching forty, I felt like an October leaf with only the reminiscent glow of photosynthesis, no chemistry left to burn. This talk of love overflowing seemed little more than a theory, at best a deliberate exercise in generosity.

I misunderstood myself. In fact, I was only going through a dry spell. You open the dam and you get a flood. Once again I'm passing through the heart of bright summer. And it's hot.

I know why this is happening. It comes from being surrounded, at last, by generous spirits, where the risk of getting hurt is not so great, and I'll never be left alone again. It provides a place where I can safely begin to open up and be myself.

It also comes from writing poetry, doing art, and wanting to be genuine about it. It drives me deeper within, uncovering the dark, dripping pools, the lava flows. Here is the vivid experience of being a feeling person, a cavern I had to close and lock for a while so I could concentrate on simply surviving. Or was it because people had told me I was sick for feeling so deeply?

That is the past. I'm more than surviving now. I feel suddenly rich, and must learn how to manage this wealth.

This has been an intense spring and summer, spending more time with some good friends, getting to know a few in person for the first time. I didn't expect to enjoy it so much. I am grateful.

You really must see the wonderful photos of Matty and Sean, taken yesterday by bitterlawngnome. This one was taken by djjo this afternoon: mattycub at top, zombietruckstop, and me. What a fine weekend it has been.