Filing

Today I performed a powerful affirmation of life and hope. I reorganized my filing cabinet.

Last time I organized it was in 1995, the first time I tried to launch a freelance career. I was 31. I had a great system for keeping track of projects, markets, submissions, administration and finances.

Unfortunately that enterprise coincided with the most crushing episode of depression in my life, my self-acceptance as a gay man, and a devastating, protracted divorce. I was unable to work for the next few years. The filing cabinet and all it represented—my determination, concentration and organization—stagnated for 17 years. I circulated years of income tax files through a few folders in the top drawer.

Today I emptied most of the files assigned to various markets and writing projects. I came across some stupid and brilliant ideas, all forgotten in the struggle to survive those dark years. I had anticipated overhauling the system, but actually it still works well. It just needs new content. I threw out piles of paperwork devoted to prescriptions and disability applications, rent receipts from 1988 and auto repairs for a car I barely remember.

As of today it has room for the life I lead now: aspirations, anxieties, talents, problems and all.