Wars and serenity

[vaneramos]

The past week, apart from a weekend respite with Danny, I have felt some distress. The effort to change things has awakened the part of me that doesn't want to change. I'm highly distractible. Motivation is at a low ebb. My mind feels cluttered and the apartment has begun to resemble it.

After lunch I took myself down to a picnic pavilion in the park. Enjoying the warm air and bright sun was a bribe for me to make an entry in my handwritten journal. Might as well call them afternoon pages. I reflected on the rebellious creature inside me, wondered whether I should treat it as the enemy.

In A Path With Heart, Jack Kornfield calls for an end to the war within. I must concentrate on acceptance, not looking for enemies. We must bring all the parts of ourselves to the peace table.

The rebel is the part that loves simplicity and solitude, that criticizes our society's obsession with productivity and consumption. It seeks peace and compassion. I must honour this voice, find a place for it in whatever comes.

After writing three pages I went and meditated by the river. Journaling airs all the laundry. Meditation folds it and puts it away again. The water filled my eyes with ripples and light.





I wish I could have taken all the terrorists, politicians and victims of abuse, leading them one by one to seats by the water, telling them to be quiet and look at the Eramosa River for 15 minutes. Or close their eyes and listen to the robins, finches, vireos and rose-breasted grosbeaks calling in the woods. It might not do any good in the long run, but at least it would give us 15 minutes of serenity to process our feelings about recent world events.

Behind the cut is an even more peaceful photo taken at the pond yesterday afternoon, with rain clouds looming across the sky and, if only you could hear it, an eerie chorus of a few dozen toads. This image required a larger size.





My good news of the day: this morning I talked to the specialist. I have an appointment on May 21.

Comments

[ahira.livejournal.com]

Journaling airs all the laundry. Meditation folds it and puts it away again. Thank you for this. I guess we can only pray for the terrorists, politicians and victims of abuse. It breaks my heart more than I can express. And it will undoubtedly get worse.

To conclude on a happier note - Yay for your appointment, that is very soon indeed.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Normally I like to meditate first thing in the morning and then do some writing, but today I had to write first, get all my frustration down on paper, then I was ready to be still for a few minutes. This might work better, especially when I'm distressed about something.

ways of dealing

[token-otter.livejournal.com]

Van, we all go through the same things. It's very easy to concentrate on the negative parts of life. I find when I have a negative thing on my mind, I think of ways inwhich I could do something to benefit a bunch of people like the situation with my mom and her struggle with my gayness. I look at her problem and realize that it comes from where she lives. Good for you on finding your park. I do the same thing when I need a break from people. I also schedule one day a month when I sink away from everyone else and concentrate on me. I also write constantly with a small notepad that goes everywhere and I write whatever comes to me in whatever form (like the songs lately). It releases negative energy and puts it into something positive.

Re: ways of dealing

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Steven. Most of my negativity involves worrying about things not working out. Consequently I get paralyzed and never attempt them. I spend way too much time alone. I'm trying to learn how to take my peace with me when I go among people; even among familiar ones I have trouble. Some of your ideas are helpful. I need coaching to help me get past some hurdles and develop strategies (other than withdrawal) for when things go badly. I'm hoping therapy will help with that.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

#2 is a direct line to my inner landscape ... dad and I used to go fishing down on the Grand south of Hamilton, and later, I worked on a farm outside Dunville. *sigh*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I thought you might like it. I've had little opportunity to explore the Grand River itself. This view reminds me of glimpses I've had through car windows. Hopefully we can pay it a visit sometime.

[avad.livejournal.com]

that was so wonderfully put, Van. I really wish you could bring them all to gaze at the beauty. I believe in it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

While I was writing that paragraph, your 10 per cent came to mind.

[avad.livejournal.com]

:)!*hug*

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

2 very beautiful pics
every bit of peace you experience brings that much more peace into the world.

be well

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You don't think maybe I'm unintentionally sucking peace out of somewhere? It's just a possibility, but I believe you're right.

Cheers.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

The only way anything will ever change is if more of us start leading people, one by one, to the water's edge.

There are some forms of inner revolution that are beautiful; this is one of them.

As usual, beautifully put.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

One of my friends recently said (ubermunkey?) something like, "Be the change you want to cause."

[apel.livejournal.com]

Yes, that image definitely required the larger size. It needs to be big enough to sink into and let the tranquility sink into you. Thanks for sharing it.

And huzzah! for an appointment so soon. Let's hope the doc is any good.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

All that rich negative space and the delicacy of the greenery asked me to give it bigger showing. Glad you enjoyed.

My g.p. seems to think this guy is the best. I hope so.

[chrisglass.livejournal.com]

I love those pictures.

Love them.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Then I'm glad I posted them. :-)

[art-thirst.livejournal.com]

As usual, beautiful tranquility.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. The river is magic to me.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the new desktop!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Which, the top one? If you would like a higher-res file, I can send it. Glad you liked. :-)

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Wow, that'd be great. Actually, that was the one I wanted, but used the larger, second photo. Please sent to me at divamedusa (at) yahoo dot com. Thanks!!