Birth pains

[vaneramos]

Photo: Danny is downstairs knitting.

~~~~~~~~~~

I need to keep flowing with the deep outbursts of words these days.

Last night Danny and I went to see an ensemble from the Tafelmusik Baroque Orchestra and Chamber Choir perform at Royal Ontario Museum. It was free Friday night. They performed some excerpts from upcoming concerts, including passages from oratorios by the French baroque composer Marc-Antoine Charpentier, and a series of familiar choruses from Handel's Messiah. It was a fascinating juxtaposition. The Charpentier was intriguely dark; subtle esoteric chords from the string orchestra descending into nocturnal shadows of Christ's birth. In contrast, the chosen Handel choruses were perky, irrepressibly and irresistibly joyous: "Wonderful! Counsellor! Almighty God! The everlasting Father! Prince of Peace!" I was still singing it an hour later when we got off the bus after a falafel on Yonge Street.

I don't feel cheery this morning. I've been writing from the deepest part of me the past few days, words channeling through inexplicable windows. And when restlessness and irritability set in, I'm inclined to think it's wrong, less spiritual. It's hard to value the whole mess of human emotions the same way. I keep valuing some higher, some lower.

I was trying to understand the meaning of postmodernism this week. One definition said it had a "problematic relationship with any notion of 'art.'" What does that mean? What does it mean for me? My whole life is devoted to the broader concept of art, art in writing, art in daily living. Does this mean I've outdated myself. Where am I going? Why do I care? Does it mean anything at all?

I'm trying not to judge this restlessness and ambiguity in a different category of feeling from the clear words that sometimes boil up like superheated water from a geyser. I'm sitting in the kitchen of god, and angels are tossing around tectonic plates, crashing into sea shores. My whole subconscious is rumbling with earthquakes. Sometimes the world has to go through birth pains to come up with a new stable system. Today my mind is roiling through birth pains.

The novel, the novel, the novel! It is a monstrous gestation. That whole era of my life (the misery of it!) turned into a massive playground of ideas. Strands of stories from people I knew thrown into the hot springs, we'll see what new forms of life arise.

And I forgot to time my free write this morning for the first time since early September. I haven't had breakfast yet and I'm hungry, so I'm going to end it now!

Comments

[halation.livejournal.com]

there's a lot to be said in response to this post.

i wanted to respond to the thing about postmodernism.

postmodernism tried to really do away with the idea of *high*art-- art that was available only to a select few. what postmodernism tries to do is actually make art for everybody. now, this is a fine idea, i think. art *should* be for everybody. but whether or not it's successful is really up for discussion. personally, i find there to be many failings in postmodernism, and consider myself to be much more of a modernist than a postmodernist.

but the thing is, i don't really think we're living in 'postmodern' times anymore.

and what this means for you is different. art *is* for you, clearly.

there's a book... i think it's called 'beginning theory.' by peter barry. it talks about the differences between the different schools of thought (modernism, postmodernism, and all the rest) in a way that's easy to read. i packed almost all my books in storage, but that one's with me. i'll doublecheck the title if you're interested.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

My dear, that sounds like an excellent book for me to read. If you check the title, maybe I can sign it out of the library. It drives me crazy that I was so narrow-minded as a young man that I deprived myself of all the liberal arts courses I would have loved, in favour of a specialized major in sciences, which seemed more "practical." I gorged on biology to starve the closeted artsy. I think I had a knowledge disorder, if you catch my meaning. ;-)

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

>And when restlessness and irritability set in, I'm inclined to think it's wrong, less spiritual. It's hard to value the whole mess of human emotions the same way.

oh, yes! i am (at least) bimodal, primarily spiritual vs. sexual/sensual. i can't get the two together. it's a classic split, but it's a killer. you're right about how we value some parts (emotions) of ourselves highly and others much less so. i think that's how we form our Shadows.

i'll just shut up now. had some chocolate a few minutes ago and am liable to yammer on for ages about befriending the shadow, etc. etc.

i noticed from your nano bio that you're close to finishing!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I heard an excellent lecture on the Shadow at a Unitarian Church a few years ago. The speaker read the chapter, "Riddles in the dark," from The Hobbit and used it to explain how Gollum was actually Biblo's shadow self. It was quite memorable, so I am acquainted with this notion pretty well. I hadn't thought of this irritability in that light, but it's an interesting thought. I suppose depression sometimes comes from repressing the shadow.

As for NaNo, yes, I have a little over 6,000 words to go. I'm hoping to get several hours in this weekend at Danny's, then finish it up Tuesday. The writing will continue after 50,000 though.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

interesting slant on gollum, though i don't think tolkien would've bought it. ;)

the whole shadow thing has been crucial to me -- i had to befriend the shadow self in order to come back to life in my late 40s. long, boring story. but yeah, it's important, at least as an image of the process.

i look forward to the rest of the story, even post-nano!

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

I don't feel cheery this morning. I've been writing from the deepest part of me the past few days, words channeling through inexplicable windows. And when restlessness and irritability set in, I'm inclined to think it's wrong, less spiritual. It's hard to value the whole mess of human emotions the same way. I keep valuing some higher, some lower.

Wow...THAT sounds eerily familiar, too. I really think we share some strong kinship in many areas, Van, as we've pointed out before.

On a totally different note...that picture of Danny makes him look like an extremely domestic gangsta...something about the finger-only gloves...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Danny says, "I will not point him to the gansta knitting video then!"

Hmm, now I'm intrigued.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

a massive playground of ideas. Strands of stories from people I knew thrown into the hot springs, we'll see what new forms of life arise.

Wow.

Will you do me a few favors, dear?

--Give Danny a hug?
--Get Danny to give you extra hugs on my behalf?

This post, like the last, touches on the idea of windows. Can I run with that metaphor for a moment and say that not only do I catch some of what you're seeing through those windows, I also feel some really interesting breezes through them, and catch a scent of new things in the air/in you?

We can talk about postmodernism any time you like ... I did theory in the 90s, I spent a lot of time around "post" things. But I would talk about that only to cast a few more thoughts into your hot springs, not to distract you, because you are going somewhere really profound with your art.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I would like to broaden my understanding of art theory, so maybe we can talk about it sometime. Over LJ, email, phone or, better, over coffee.

Hug given, more to be received later. ;-)

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

That's not a bad definition of postmodernism. About the only uniting factor I can discern in the incredible variety of creations that were labelled "postmodern" is that they question received definitons of cultural phenomena. Other than that the label is rather like "Art Deco" - you'd be hard pressed to define what it is, although you can often look at pomo art and recognise it as pomo.

The idea that pomo was populist is IMO not quite accurate - to "get" a lot of the deconstruction of classical ideas (a pomo staple) you had to know the classical ideas to begin with, which meant that the anti-high-art-art was aimed at a high art audience and was unintelligible form a popular point of view.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's interesting: as someone else has pointed out, an idea defining itself based on what it is not. I need to do more studying when I have time and concentration.

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh the concert sounds absolutely divine.

I am sorry you are struggling a little bit but hope you arrive at some magical epiphanies for yourself, for your art- you are such a creative man- I feel blessed to be able to share some of that with you.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, it's a mutual feeling. I find some of your journal writings quite inspiring. Don't worry too much about me; what I'm going through at the moment feels positive.

topic completely unrelated to the rest of the comments and the text of the post

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

EEE! Danny's knitting gloves! (At least I assume he's showing the fingers to gloves.) Now that I've conquered socks, I'm going to move on to the challenge of mittens/gloves.

And I hope the writing goes well...

Re: topic completely unrelated to the rest of the comments and the text of the post

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, he's knitting them fingers first. He's using several different colours of yarn. They're going to be spectacular.

Thanks mom!

[djjo.livejournal.com]

Yup - they are gloves. Knit fingers down. Red fingers, green fingers, purple hands and some of the ribbing, and green and red trim.

I'm doing them using 2 circular needles - much easier than on 4 dpns.

I've finished the 5 reds, on #2 green, and hope to finish the fingers by mid week, and start on the hands soon after. I have a deadline of the 15th - they are being shown as part of my knitting groups december fashion show.

Re: Thanks mom!

[queenmomcat.livejournal.com]

Cool! I quite like the idea of knitting tip-up rather than cuff-down as it solves the problem of running out of yarn 2 yards short of completion--you just make the cuff a trifle shorter. (That's how I do socks.) I'm of the 'dpn' school, myself.

[art-thirst.livejournal.com]

Of course, there are many that decried postmodernism saying because modernism has not fully played out, 'post' is not an appropriate term. Were not the modernist questioning the socio-cultural, socio-political environment of Western society? Postcolonialism is what has allowed other parts of the world to participate on the same playing field and even now it's not completely fair. At least there is an awareness that much has yet to be included (in modernism).

Postmodernism
http://jefferson.village.virginia.edu/elab/hfl0242.html
http://www.colorado.edu/English/ENGL2012Klages/pomo.html
http://carbon.cudenver.edu/~mryder/itc_data/postmodern.html
After Postmodernism
http://www.rancho-loco-press.com/veer/html_iss2/next.htm
http://home.worldcom.ch/~negenter/486aDL_BottaEndPoMo_01.html

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

This is a terrific reading list, thank you. I have some studying to do!

[art-thirst.livejournal.com]

I tried to stick with educational institution site because professors generally post stuff for students to read and, they are also very often the writers of the material rather than just doing the cut-and-paste thing and patch together something. I actually need to go back to refresh myself on some of this since I haven't been reading as much as I feel I should. Teaching beginning courses doesn't allow me to put more critical thinking in my courses as I'd like.

I don't know Art *g*

[detailbear.livejournal.com]

One of the problems that I have with terms like "post-modern", "post-gay" and "post-bear" is that they're reactive. The definition depends on being not the same as the previous period. Defining art or oneself by what it isn't rather than what it is seems disempowering, somehow.

Re: I don't know Art *g*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Interesting point here, which I can relate to pretty well. I've been thinking about the post-bear idea lately, too.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

I was trying to understand the meaning of postmodernism this week. One definition said it had a "problematic relationship with any notion of 'art.'" What does that mean? What does it mean for me? My whole life is devoted to the broader concept of art, art in writing, art in daily living. Does this mean I've outdated myself. Where am I going? Why do I care? Does it mean anything at all?

Yikes!

David Lodge has some good -- and pretty understandable -- short essays on postmodernism. Unfortunately, I never made a note of which book or pages it's one, but I need to find it for future use, since it's so clear and succinct. His essay on "Modernism, Anti-Modernism and Post-Modernism" is pretty interesting, along those lines, as well. It's in the book "Working with Structuralism." There's also a book called "The Poverty of Structuralism" which goes into where the central ideas of postmodernism come from (and how they're misreadings of some ideas about linguistics). I haven't read the whole book; the first chapter or two are enough to get the basic idea, which matches with what Lodge says: that Postmodernism developed from Ferdinand de Saussure's idea that the link between signifier (word, picture) and signified (what it means) is arbitrary. Taken one step further, or misread, this idea becomes the idea that art and language can't communicate, ideas and values are arbitrary, and everything is relative. It's in this way that postmodernism has a problematic relation to art.

There's a lot more to postmodernism, but it all stems from there.

RE: valuing some emotions above others: It was nice to see someone articulating this. I'm guilty of it myself.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, I was thinking how I need to be more open to emotions like anger and frustration. Not that I should cultivate them. But I tend to push them away or criticize myself for feeling that way, rather than looking for constructive ways of expressing them.

Thanks for the references here. I will have a look for those titles.

[halation.livejournal.com]

i kept forgetting to go to my bookshelf for that darn book.
here it is.
beginning theory: an introduction to literary and cultural theory by peter barry.
i'd also suggest pairing that with this one:
continental philosophy: an anthology. ed. wm. mcneill and karen s. feldman.

beginning theory refers to texts that you should be able to find in continental philosophy.
otherwise, the norton anthology of critical theory is a good investment to make.

let me know what you end up with!

xo

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you!