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[vaneramos]

Today: Danny at Casa Loma.

Casa Loma is an extravagant mansion built in the early 20th Century, now one of Toronto's chief tourist attractions, and deservedly so. This photo was taken near the top of the highest tower.

~~~~~~~~~~

I come back with a series of relatively happy memories. It seems an important point. During the past few years I couldn't have spent so much time with my parents and come home with my sanity intact.

Loneliness can be a terrible thing. In solitude, it's bad enough. Loneliness in the company of family is worse. In recent years I often felt lonely in the company of my parents. This year it didn't happen.

Partly, it comes from having a relationship with an unprecedented quality of security.

In one of my favourite books, Intimacy and Solitude, author Stephanie Dowrick explains that sometimes our loneliness has the terror of an infant child's whose mother walks out of the room. Up to a certain age, nothing we can do or say to that child will reassure it that the parent will reappear. It has no accumulated experience from which to gather such security. For all it knows, it is utterly abandoned.

I used to have the feeling that the people I loved would eventually disappear from my life. Lately, that fear has begun to diminish. This makes it easier to enjoy experiences despite being separated from those I care about. On a deeper level, it means I can enjoy my own company, knowing that I am not cut of from pleasurable experiences with others.

Today Danny and I had a busy day around Toronto with Marian and Brenna. We started rather late with brunch at the Golden Griddle, then did a little sightseeing, winding up touring Casa Loma for several hours and finally stopping at the Yonge and Dundas park, where an ice sculpture exhibit was in the process of being installed. Someone from CTV filmed me taking photographs, so don't be surprised, Ontarians, if you see me on the evening news. By then the temperature had started to plummet drastically, so my companions drew me away from the scene with anticipation of turkey noodle soup.

So here I am, happy with ones I love, and also pleasant images of things left behind: Mom's tight hugs, the fragrance of hot apple cider, Dad playing Chopin on the piano, plenty of good food. It is good to store up these things: ammunition against the darkness.

Comments

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

Nice, very well written and eloquently expressed.

I find your thoughts and expression comforting.

thanks, and be well
connor

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I understand. The family is a complicated thing, and at times I have been tempted to shut them out completely.

Mom was so thrilled to have children around the house on Christmas morning again, the first time in quite a few years. And after so many years of serving meals for others, she had Christmas dinner made for her. It really moved me to see her so happy to receive. It was rewarding for me to let these things come to pass.

Hugs,
Van

[willowing.livejournal.com]

yes, what a calming post, and a beautiful sculpture.. :)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and glad you liked the sculpture. There were many others; unfortunately the conditions were less than ideal, so the rest of the pics from that place didn't turn out very well.

[apel.livejournal.com]

I love that photo of Danny. The way you take pictures of him really shows your love for him.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Being an avid photographer himself, he is also a good model.

But yes. :-)

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

Any more pictures of Casa Loma--the exterior?

It was used for location shots (and one short outdoor sequence) for one of my favorite TV Sixties shows, Strange Paradise (taped at CGOH studios in Ottawa for most of its brief 9 month run in 1969-70).

That's a beautiful shot of Danny.

xo, Shimmer

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I took quite a few interesting pics at Casa Loma, mostly window shots like this one, but a few showing features of the mansion itself. I won't post a series just now as I'm still busy with the girls, but I intend to do so when time allows. Feel free to remind me in a week or so if I get sidetracked.

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

I love the lighting and various tones of brown in this photo of Danny...ice sculpting is just fun!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I like those browns, too, and how they contrast with the frosty blues of the window. I'm glad you enjoyed the Pegasus; he's looking at us as he romps past, don't you think?

[kwangjse.livejournal.com]

Yes, the contrast of the browns with the frosty blues is beautiful.

Pegasus does seem to be hamming for the camera :)