Mom at Easter

[vaneramos]

The Hibiscus I sent for Mother's Day last year is blooming again


Mom has painful arthritis in the knees, but it's inspiring to see her pottering around the garden.

"I looked all over the property," she declared Saturday morning, "but it looks like this will be the first year ever we have no flowers for Easter."

But nature came through. Saturday afternoon, Mom and Brenna found crocuses blooming below the sun-warmed patio.

She changes the subject whenever I mention the G and L words. I've dropped hints about Danny, but my parents won't bite.

Yesterday it hit me: the worst thing about explaining polyamory to my mother would not be her direct reaction; it would be the things said behind my back. I shouldn't try to share my personal life with her anymore. Anyway, she doesn't want to know.

Moe rode down with us and spent the weekend with her family in Detroit. Her father is in hospital with heart problems, on the verge of kidney failure. She doesn't get along with him, but isn't ready for him to die.

It reminded me Mom and I have gotten along better since her breast cancer, 2002. But there's no going back to the friendship we had the first 31 years of my life.





The crocuses

Comments

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, it's hard to learn to make the best of things rather than wishing they were better.

[robearal.livejournal.com]

Anyway, she doesn't want to know.

I refuse to mention polyamory to my mom. My dad was a philanderer, so she has a very strong reaction to "infidelity". She just won't ever understand non-traditional relationships. We had a roommate who we'd occasionally have sex with. Phil shocked Mom during a lunch by saying that Matt said Phil gave the best blowjobs he'd ever had. On her next visit after we kicked Matt out, Mom confided in me that she didn't appreciate Phil moving his "mistress" in with us. I let that drop like a hot potato.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I am the "mistress" according to traditional values, which pretty would pretty well invalidate my primary relationship as far as my parents are concerned.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

wait ... that would make me ... the wronged wife. wouldn't it? prepare for guilt ... aWOOOga aWOOga ...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Hey Bill, I came home to find the white Amaryllis in full bloom. It is gorgeous.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

yay! :)

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

beautiful!
this photo is really so stunning.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Rarely can I take good flower pictures with this camera, so I'm really delighted with this one.

[willowing.livejournal.com]

beautiful photos .. and ah, the relationship with mums .. always hard that, always hard .. *hugs*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, T.

I bought "Want Two" last week! :-)

[justapostcard.livejournal.com]

Do you like it? Any favorite songs?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, I just discovered Rufus Wainwright a couple months ago thanks to willowing, and he is quickly becoming my favourite music artist.

"Agnus Dei," "Memphis Skyline," and "Gay Messiah" are three favourites that come to mind. Since this comment I have also purchased Want One and so far I'm liking it even better. No songs I don't like, but "14th Street" stands out, and "What a World" is a masterpiece.

Rufus

[justapostcard.livejournal.com]

He is also my favorite -- I adore him! Here's a link (http://www.livejournal.com/users/kyana/99809.html) to an entry after I saw him last September. I love every song on all four of his cds (plus the assorted extra tracks I've been able to accumulate!) -- but "Imaginary Love" might be my all-time favorite.

Martha will be coming to Pittsburgh on June 6.

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. your Mom's crocus looks just like the one I spotted last Friday in the community garden! They must be "kissin' cousins" (kind of like us?)

Forget polly, my folks after all these years really don't even want to hear about my boyfriends. I get dead silence or a change of subject every time I mention C, although he is the man with whom I have had the lengthiest, most stable relationship (however you define it) in my entire life.

Despite the notion in our culture that they should somehow be included in all facets of my life because they are my parents, I decided a long time ago that it was just too difficult to try to break through their barriers--and even the attempts to come to a tactful compromise from my side of things have just made them incredibly uncomfortable.

I have resigned myself to not discussing my sexuality or my spiritual life with them, although these are how I express my deepest passions in life.

love, Shimmer

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks Shimmer: another commonality, and it's nice to know I'm not alone. It's hard with my Mom, knowing that her life has been all about family, but my relationships simply don't register on her scale. It's frustrating with my dad because he showed some interest in the past, but I guess he gave up trying to bridge Mom's gap, too. Anyway, I think I came to the conclusion yesterday, like you, that this is not worth worrying about. Stopping will be another matter.

[roosterbear.livejournal.com]

Yesterday it hit me: the worst thing about explaining polyamory to my mother would not be her direct reaction; it would be the things said behind my back. I shouldn't try to share my personal life with her anymore. Anyway, she doesn't want to know.

I think that's the hardest part, really. *hug*

This whole entry hit me on so many levels. Once again, I can so relate to lots of it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Good to hear from you, D. This issue comes up again and again, seems to be a hard one to settle. Hope you're well.

[roosterbear.livejournal.com]

I'm hanging in there. Lots of processing happening behind the scenes, but it's all good. :-)