vaneramos | Anchor

What an awful doom is in the downward mudslide feeling of depression despite hard work for improvement. The past few weeks I felt cheated of January's clarity and energy. But it has returned, and what a relief to discover the dark cascade was only the side effect of a drug.

Now I move on. The challenge is learning how to handle panic attacks and anxiety when they occur. I hope the anxiety group will give me more tools.

Another challenge: I have emerged from the cloud with the quickening of spring hormones. For the first time in my life, I feel secure in a same-sex relationship that has lasted longer than a few months. It brings an unprecedented sexual confidence. I have cherished a sense of adventure, but for several years it has languished behind a wall of vulnerability. Now I feel its potential. I see more to gain than to lose in sharing my energy.

But one cautionary note. As an introvert, I can be inclined to spread myself too thin. Many connections can exhaust me. I am reminded to secure those things that are most valuable, particularly my friendships.

And above all, the love that is my anchor.