Causes of anxiety

[vaneramos]

Tulips yesterday


Conditioning may cause one to fear a particular situation, but only in beginning to avoid that situation does one learn to be phobic. Behaviour, once rewarded, tends to repeat itself. Avoidance of stressful situations is rewarded with reduction of anxiety.

Anxiety disorders arise from hereditary factors, childhood circumstances and cumulative stress over time. My over-protective mother cultivated an excessively cautious view of the world and discouraged risk-taking. Meanwhile, both parents demanded excellence. If I ever expressed anger or resentment, Dad would send me to my room for the rest of the evening. Like many anxious children, I became excessively dependent on my parents, rather than asserting myself.

Our relationship stopped being safe after I came out of the closet. Mom tried insults to cow me into respectable behaviour. I did not comply, and our friendship grew cold.

Since then I have become overly dependent on a safe place: my own apartment. I have worked at overcoming behaviour that maintains anxiety, such as avoidance of phobic situations, anxious self talk, and lack of self-nurturing skills. But in the company of others I become distracted and forget my learned skills. One of the tasks ahead is to begin applying them at large.

Comments

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

great stuff buddy,
I can't believe how that resonates with me.
In my fathers eyes a good child was seen and not heard, not ever heard.

Applying them at large is so freeing but so damn much work. Had I been raised with any kind of self worth I'd be in a totally different mind space right now.

Here is to learning and applying these skills better late then never!
cheers
Van

lots o love
connor

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

My father's life revolved around big ideas in those days. He was always physically present and providing, but in his head didn't have time for me, hardly even for my mother. The only way I got attention was by being exceptional. I kept on being exceptional for years until I crashed, then I became a failure. Talking to schillerium over coffee yesterday I said I need to figure out how to be neither an over-acheiver nor an under-achiever, just something in the middle and find fulfilment in that.

Thanks and be well. xoxo