Dan

[vaneramos]

Around Dan, I always had the feeling, "I'm yours. Take me."

I'd forgotten that a year ago he sent a typical email asking for information, offering none. I replied, "I'm fine. How are you?" Surprisingly he sent a long, newsy reply.

Wednesday afternoon we sat in The Bookshelf patio. Rain fell around us off the umbrella.

He was 30 when I met him and, now 40, has hardly aged at all. Clean-shaven, I liked him better with a goatee. He put on weight after quitting smoking, but has lost it all again. He looks trim, excellent really. Vivid blue eyes.

I had fallen for his personality: an ex-pastor with a gift for conversation and listening. Dan's extraversion gave us a passport into many social gatherings.

And the sex. Yes, heaven..

We mostly talked about our children. Lowering sun shone in my eyes and I tipped my cap.

Dan was one in a string of boyfriends who had abusive fathers. I was attracted to the undercurrent of anger. It felt like strength.

We talked for three hours. Saying goodbye outside, he slipped his arms under mine and swept me upward. I felt the momentary inner tug, but letting go didn't hurt.

Comments

[trinapink.livejournal.com]

Wow, that sounds wonderful, and healing. Maybe now you can celebrate the best parts of the relationship with less ambiguity.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

For now it will be enough to celebrate feeling free of the infatuation.

[writer00.livejournal.com]

I was attracted to the undercurrent of anger. It felt like strength.

Wow. Beautifully stated, and something I am familiar with personally. I have fallen into this in the past; turning my own anger outward and mistaking it for strength, instead of a destructive emotion that drives others away. It's a way to protect oneself before being hurt. Of course, there is nothing more painful than a sterile, lonely life. I'm glad I recognized that before it was too late.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I believe anger in itself is a natural and appropriate response to certain conditions. For example, if I witness someone being abused, or if someone violates my rights, anger can motivate the courage I need to take appropriate action. The problem comes when we refrain from expressing it constructively, usually out of fear. Then it gets bottled up and turns pathological.

[writer00.livejournal.com]

I agree completely.