The LiveJournal tide

[vaneramos]

Sweet potato vine


LiveJournal relationships go through a tide, an ebb and flow. Friendships begin with the best of intentions, sometimes intensely. Then people drift apart, get preoccupied or busy, but the friends who come back are the ones that count.

I suppose it exists in all relationships, but I find it more pronounced in this community. Maybe because it's possible for two lives to continue in broad view while avoiding exchange. In more traditional contexts, if you stop writing, calling or seeing one another, you don't know what's going on. Here, the neglect or avoidance is in your face.

Yesterday I encountered two new LJers—birders—I wanted to add. But my friends pages were already overloaded, so I had to cut myself some slack. It was hard to do.

The truth is, I need to cut more. And eventually will.

Summer always tests LiveJournal ties. I spend extended time away without internet access. When I'm home I'm busy being a fulltime dad. It's impossible for me to keep up with what happens in more than 100 lives for two months. In September I will have to do maintenance. But anyone who is really paying attention accepts this aspect of my life.

Comments

[thewindrose.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you labeled that photo! I stared at it for awhile trying to figure out where the alien plant could have come from before I scrolled down and saw the title. :)

Do what you have to do. Keep the people you talk to and enjoy reading, cut the rest. If people are upset, hopefully they'll let you know and you can reconsider. But a fair amount might not even notice. So far I've been fortunate not to have to cut anyone, but that's because my list is much smaller. I will admit though that there are people I skim and if they left of their own accord I wouldn't mind. Ah well, the joys of open forums I suppose.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I made a lot of friends quickly on LJ, so I've had to undertake a couple cutting sessions before. I've become a lot more careful about adding, so it's going to be harder this time. I don't intend to cut anyone who contributes regularly to my journal, though.

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

I sense this right across the cyber board, so to speak. Not just LJ. The ones who slay me are the ones who wonder where I've been, whilst not making ANY effort on their own part to stay in touch with me. Granted, we ALL get busy and have real lives outside of these little metal boxes connected to mini screens. But it's the ones who accept that fact who will remain.

A dear friend of mine in NC told me early on about his 2% rule. Only 2% of all the people you ever meet will remain as close friends. Close being relative of course. After a couple of years of online activity, I think his number holds true, if not a tad high.

HUGZ

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The ones who slay me are the ones who wonder where I've been, whilst not making ANY effort on their own part to stay in touch with me.

I could say the same. After each summer I have made a concerted effort to get back in touch with people, but it seems some will not forgive me for getting busy and being away for two months. I'm still brooding over a couple of friendships that tapered off last summer. I need to let it go.

xoxo

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

You can go away as long as you want, I'm still going to find you and smooch your brains out.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm counting on it!

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

Sweet Potato!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Funny, it doesn't bother me at all to think flowers are genitilia.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

Well, at least I can say I know whose crotch your nose has been in…

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You can only begin to imagine.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

Don't think I won't try…

[justapostcard.livejournal.com]

I just have to tell you that I'd hate being cut, but I'd totally understand if you do! -- so like the person said above, do what you need to do -- your comfort level is what's most important.

Best to you.
Nancy

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I won't cut anyone who has commented in my journal within the past five months.

[lilactime.livejournal.com]

Do you filter at all? Or simply not read people who you might want to keep but not really read? There's lots of ways to get around large Friends lists and still keep up. There's also nothing wrong with taking an LJ break and *not* catching up when you return, or reading individual journals "by hand" for the people you really want to stay up to date with. Most of us don't lead terribly exciting lives - you probably wouldn't be missing all that much if you took time for yourself and didn't worry about the rest of us. :)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I do use a filter for keeping up with about 12 to 15 people who are involved directly in my life. Under normal circumstances I use it about half the time, because I find it futile to try catching up with everyone when I get behind. Beyond that, I'm finding that my friends pages shouldn't exceed 100 entries per day, which is the about the most I should read on a good day, otherwise it starts demanding too much time.

But the real problem here isn't too much reading. It has more to do with a few friendships which became very close and then tapered off for various reasons. I can't skim past their journals every day without feeling the same emotional issues raised again and again. I realize I'm oversensitive. but for my own peace of mind I need to say goodbye. Just filtering them out doesn't resolve the problem.

I don't intend to cut anyone who participates in my journal, even occasionally.

[lilactime.livejournal.com]

It has more to do with a few friendships which became very close and then tapered off for various reasons. I can't skim past their journals every day without feeling the same emotional issues raised again and again. I realize I'm oversensitive.

I've got a few of those too. Those folks who just let you down in some way, or rudely left you waiting for them in a restaurant when they never showed; yet it's difficult to just let them go and move on.

co inside ants

[dubious-one.livejournal.com]

i really do miss you sometimes.

like today.

Re: co inside ants

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I had to move on.

[songdogmi.livejournal.com]

"Friends" is such a dubious term in LJ. In a way, it's just a method for pulling together journals you like to read in a somewhat easy-to-use page. Maybe the journals are from long-time in-person friends, or maybe they're from people who are interesting writers or photographers.

I have to say that I sometimes take it as more than that, though. I do like to keep up with what LJ people are doing. I've spent amazing amounts of time trying to fill in details of lives from the journals of people I've never met. I don't think I have to remind myself to not become a stalker, but.... ;-)

What am I trying to say... I dunno. I guess just that the friends list should be what helps you most. The filters are a good idea; saw someone mention those earlier.

Oh, uh... hi. :) I've actually read your journal on and off for a while, mostly via bill_bill's friends list. You fall into that "interesting writers and photographers" list for me -- I like what you do with a camera.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Actually, I added you and bill_bill at the same time, but we have a couple of other mutual friends on whose lists you might have seen me. I meant to introduce myself, but didn't have a chance, so thanks for doing so.

In general I regard my friends list as a reading list, but have become real friends with a considerable number of those people, too. In fact I have met 32. I guess the difficulty here is in distinguishing interesting reading from people I have actually felt close to at one time. When friends move apart, as sometimes happens, it's hard to become just acquaintances again.

I apologize for the serious subject matter, but welcome to my journal. ;-)