Discretion is the better part of valour

[vaneramos]

Coming out is important. I rejected my sexuality for so many years because I had no role models. After I came to terms with being gay in 1996, I wanted to make a difference for other people by making myself visible, telling my story.

I didn't realize the difficulty until my recent experiences with the anxiety group. This week I considered whether coming out to these acquaintances was the best thing for me. We're finished next Wednesday. Should I distress myself for the sake of intimacy with people I'll never see again?

Being an honest person makes one vulnerable. The truth does not always protect. The past decade I've learned that I don't have to reveal anything I don't want to.

Choosing discretion, I decided not to come out to the group.

Yesterday we had a barbecue, a social opportunity with a safe group. Actually, it hardly felt safe for any of us, but the best cure for anxiety is facing your fears. Only three of us plus my daughters turned up.

Ironically, the conversation turned to Toronto Pride, which gave me an opening. My revelation was received with acceptance. A start.

Exercising my choice allowed it to happen naturally.

Comments

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

Sounds very much like the advice I've been given right along. Oppotunity will present itself, with circumstances just right.

Glad this worked out so well for you my friend!!

HUGZ

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, 1996 was such a bombshell. It's a different experience for me to wait for opportunities this way.

xoxo

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i'm glad it worked out that way. it seems wise to me to wait till the moment is right.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The problem is, with some people the time is never right. I've spent most of my life hiding from people like that, and it's taken some toll.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Yay for you! I'm so proud! *hugs ya*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Stephen.

xoxo

[twillhead.livejournal.com]

You obviously made a wise choice. Forcing the moment to happen almost certainly would have been awkward at best. I too am happy for you! Hugs!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

We have had opportunities to put items on the agenda at our meetings. It's something I could have done several weeks ago if I had realized how important it was. But for now, coming out to a couple of people is what I needed, better than giving up.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

SMOOCHUS.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

Anytime.

[trinapink.livejournal.com]

Oh, good for you, Van! I know that took a lot of courage.

But I think it's important, not just for you but for society. I think (God, I hope!) that as more people get to know others that aren't exactly like them (different orientation, different race, different religion, different dis/ability, whatever), we'll all realize we are more similar than not.

Geez, that was a complicated sentence. I just meant that I think it's good for society for people to meet good people who are different. And you are definitely "good people."

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, I believe in the value of community with diversity. It's not always easy to attain. Thanks for your encouragement.