Two tanka

[vaneramos]

For djjo

i.

wind clarifies vision
washing smog from the sky
the linden tree stands
full of star laden boughs
lifting fragrance to heaven


ii.

the grey highway leads
under startling cloudscapes
to a silent house
near the end of the street
where night embraces darkly

Comments

[missprune.livejournal.com]

I like these two, especially the linden's star laden boughs, which brings an image clearly to mind, and the night embracing darkly...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

(Haha, I need to pay closer attention.)

Thanks, these are my first tanka efforts. Those two images lifted themselves neatly from recent experience. :-)

[missprune.livejournal.com]

why did you say you needed to pay closer attention?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I initially mistook your comment as one from Danny. You might have seen my reply before I deleted it. ;-)

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Oh! I see!

[writer00.livejournal.com]

I'd never heard of this form before. The dictionary says its strict form is 5,7,5,7,7, although when I write haikus I don't always keep to strict form. These are both very nice! I especially like the second one. Now I have to try one!

tanka

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I've written haiku before, but these are my first tanka. The Toronto Transit Commission has a Poetry on the Way program, poems published on the subways, and Danny saw a tanka yesterday that he admired. There are a couple interesting articles on tanka here:

What is a tanka?

target="_blank">Tanka vs. Haiku

And this point from the first article:

"For this reason, most writers feel that converting onji to syllables is not a one for one process. English syllable are far too long and carry too much information to equate to the Japanese onji. With rare exception, a Tanka written in English would be difficult to recite properly (in proportion to Japanese speaking lengths) in two breath lengths."

I read a couple other tanka that used fewer syllables, too. I intended to make first first attempts in strict form, but the first tanka seemed best the way it was written (5,6,7,6,7).

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Here is what that second link was supposed to be:

http://www.ahapoetry.com/tanka.htm#vs

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

That's lovely.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :-)

See ya tomorrow night!!