After the linden flowers

[vaneramos]

After the linden flowers finish
summer rolls apart:
two lovers sweat on an old mattress
seek hollow solitudes.
The year lasts all afternoon.
One lies wondering
whether wind will turn, kiss dry grass
between the streets.
Ever again cracked skin awake shining
under a flashing cloud.

Comments

[justapostcard.livejournal.com]

hollow solitudes

oh, i like that....

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Wow, I love the image and word play on the wind kissing dry grass between the streets! All of this poem seems to me wonderful, though I don't seem to get the penultimate line.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I was trying to evoke the sense of longing, aging and disappointment I've felt in previous relationships (wanting to love and be loved again), because the dog days of summer sometimes remind me of that. If you can suggest a different approach to the words I strung together in that line, I would be grateful.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

This is lovely...

I tried to write something a couple of weeks ago that had almost that exact same opening line (LOL...I guess the smell of linden DOES inspire), but I disliked it so much I deleted it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Should I ask why you disliked it so much?

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I'm not sure how specific my dislike was...I just couldn't get it to feel right, if you know what I mean. I struggle with that quite a lot when I write; words fail me.