vaneramos | Cousins

Recently I had unanticipated encounters with several of my cousins.

I have a large rabble of relatives on my mother's side, and no desire to contact most of them. They're mostly homophobic rednecks and I disappeared off their radar when my marriage broke up.

The exception is Aunt Carol's family. Her youngest son, Jim, attended University of Guelph around the same time I did, but moved on to graduate studies in herpetology in California. About five years ago he revisited Guelph for a frog symposium and I happened to run into him downtown. We went out for coffee, I came out to him, and he told me his mother would be supportive, so I subsequently came out to her and Jim's brother.

Jim and his wife, Deb, stopped at our cottage during their honeymoon on July 27. She is a doctor of mycology (fungus) and they met at Indiana University South Bend, where they both teach. They are fascinating people, and it would honestly be a delight to visit them if I ever travel through the Midwest. Of all my relatives, Jim is the most like me with respect to interests and temperament.

Dad, on the other hand, has no family left except his niece and nephew, Catherine and Doug. They stopped to see all of us on August 2, along with two of Doug's three children, Emily and Alex, and his new girlfriend, Brenda.

These cousins had an uncle on their mother's side, Bob Yonge, who was gay. More than 40 years ago he brought a young man, Jim, home from Thailand and they lived together until Bob's death a couple years ago, so Cathy and Doug grew up regarding Jim as an uncle. My aunt and uncle were positive toward them, and I believe this is part of the reason Dad isn't homophobic.

I hadn't seen Catherine since her father's wake in 1994, but she emailed me three years ago after finding out I was gay, to express her support. The last time I saw Doug was in 1996. His daughter, Emily, will attend University of Guelph this fall.

I plan to try and see Mom's youngest sister, Nancy, when I visit Nova Scotia with the girls this summer. I haven't seen her in 20 years.