Such sweet sorrow

[vaneramos]

Brenna





Marian


Leaving Danny was particularly difficult today. Seeing him get emotional moved me. It still surprises me to matter that way to someone.

Last night we watched The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994). The girls had seen it once, but forgotten. I had forgotten the significance of Anthony/Mitzi's relationship with his son. Hugo Weaving's character suggests it's a difficult thing for his queer friends to understand. Unlike Cachorro (2004), which tore me apart, watching Priscilla with Danny and my daughters warmed me up.

Here's the hard part. It's not that I won't see Danny for long; it will be less than three weeks. It's the idea of parting ways for a big adventure without him. Part of me belongs with him. I was reminded of it while happily watching a sunset alone on the dock, when the only thing missing was he.

On the other hand, part of me savours solitude and the freedom to live my own life. I used to suffocate in relationships. Danny has offered a good complement to my independence.

It's terrible to feel lonely around someone you love, but much better to be happy in someone's company and miss him when you're apart.

~~~~~~~~~~

Checklist of things to do before Tuesday morning:

• Recharge camera batteries
  
• Excavate large tent (and repaired hall shelf)
  
• Checklist of camping equipment
  
• Get car serviced
  
• Refill both prescriptions
  
• Laundry
  
• Groceries
  
• Print out maps and directions
  
• Make log sheet for gas
  
• Trip to Canadian Tire (batteries for flashlights, propane canisters + ?)
  
• Contact Aunt Nancy (she invited us to stay in the cabin on their lake property)
  
• Cancel reservations at Kejimkujik
  
• Make campsite reservations for Quebec City (Parc national de la Jacques-Cartier)
  
• Water plants
  
• Wash dishes
  
• Call Jon and Sylvie
  
• Find or get spare key made for Bob
  
• Pick up rehearsal CD from Bob, and drop off key
  
• Organize CDs
  
• Return empty beer bottles
  
• Get directions from Gary
  
• Buy bottle of wine for Gary and John
  
• Ask Joanne to pick up mail
  
• Pack
  
• Call parents
  
• Email itinerary to my ex

Comments

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Amazing photos.

[stephe.livejournal.com]

Those are great photos. Brenna is definitely starting to look more like a young woman and less like just a big girl.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

My GOD, your daughters look like you...

That's a very good thing, of course.

Re: Bummer....

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm sorry we missed each other. It was great to see the photos Bill took. I hope we get to see you again before too long.

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

these images continue to show the evolution of your children
it amazes me
this process
of
becoming!

be well Van,

[thewindrose.livejournal.com]

Your girls are so photogenic!

You know, when I look back at photos my folks took on family vacations from when I was about their age, I just cringe. Talk about bad! Whew! (I also went through a very awkward phase right about that time.) But I look at these and just think that your girls will be thrilled to have these!

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

It's very striking to me to read your words about your emotions when saying goodbye to Danny. I wish I had the courage to write about my own feelings when I am with C more straightforwardly. It is very very difficult for me to do this. I have realized in my current phase of spiritual work, however, that I need to show more honesty--and honor--to these tender emotions than has been the case in the past.

Probably, for me it won't be in the context of an LJ entry; or, if it is, it will be one with a very special filter.

I see the pain of parting as proportionate to the pleasure of getting together with him. The situation is set up so that is is very clear to me that the time we have together will be limited for as long as I can imagine. So the way I shepherd my feelings around him becomes a somewhat delicate thing.

I only write this to let you know my appreciation for your words here, and the courage it takes to write them.

I have to say that C has been more demonstrative lately about his own feelings for me. Sometimes I practically burst into tears just on the basis of some little note like "you know you are very special to me" that I've gotten from him. I think again it is all because in my heart, or my gut, somewhere I don't think I deserve that kind of love.

hugs, Shimmer

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I can relate to what you say about the feeling of not deserving love. I expect people to misunderstand or ignore me. It comes as a surprise when someone actually appreciates my company.

I think my time with Danny will remain limited also. Change would be possible but impractical.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

Pretty neo-Goth Marian!

Brenna needs to be on a sitcom.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, I imagine a sitcom or standup act in Brenna's future.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

If I ever regain critical thinking skills, I might write some jokes.