vaneramos | The sauna

A Guelph alley

Another scene from downtown Guelph

After my workout, I shower away the first course of sweat, then enter the sauna and recline. The room is usually empty nowadays. I've fantasized about turning off the light and masturbating in hot darkness.

At this same gym I met David, a young Honduran with jet hair and alabaster skin. He cruised me one afternoon in the sauna during the final horrendous months of my marriage. I'd received attention like that in change rooms before, but always turned away. That day I admired him cautiously. I can't remember what we talked about. Still I was horrified and fled. I avoided the gym for several months, until after the separation. Eventually, I would return to invite him home.

The gym has been renovated since 1995. The sauna is new and clean. The clientele has changed. Nobody cruises anymore.

I start to break into a sweat. My body grows tense and claustraphobic. I want to go through the simulation of panic, knowing it won't kill me. I count six long breaths, then three more, and three more, until my toes tingle. Getting up, I scorch my soles.

A moment later the cool shower washes over me like a wave of calm.

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