Goody

[vaneramos]

I had contemplated a carefully worded post, but fortunately others broached the subject first. If suicide were not such a taboo subject, perhaps it would hold less power over those isolated by pain. I believe we must respect an individual’s choice and responsibility for his or her own life. We can offer love and support to those around us. We must also let them go.

The contemplation of suicide visited me during my worst bouts of depression in 1983 and again in 1995. I was too terrified of death and couldn’t bear to part with beauty.

Although I had spent a little time with theatrebear, I can’t say I knew him well. His death affects me more because he had been a significant figure in the lives of a few men I am close to. Ironically, I had seen him frequently around Church Street of late. Danny and I passed and greeted him after we left O’Grady’s on Friday night. Getting out was probably part of his process of saying goodbye.

I plan to spend the afternoon downtown and drive home to Guelph this evening. This weekend I intend to visit friends in Campbellville and Kitchener affected by Goody’s departure.

Comments

[that-dang-otter.livejournal.com]

If suicide were not such a taboo subject, perhaps it would hold less power over those isolated by pain.

I sometimes wonder if protecting people from things has a perverse effect. There is much talk in SF about putting up a suicide barrier on the Golden Gate bridge. I might suggest the alternative of a diving board - to remind people that, ultimately, it's their responsibility to live or die.

I don't mean this quite seriously, but I do think that the concealment of suicide does add to it's lure for the rebellious. (Not that this has any bearing on Goody's case.) My partner in the past has had suicidal thoughts, and my general reaction to that has been angry - that he's not in any kind of condition where that would be a reasonable alternative. But I am also thinking that my strong condemnation of the option may drive it underground in his psyche, where it could grow. Perhaps I will use this case as an opening for more discussion on the subject.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Absolutely...making something taboo often increases its appeal in the end.

Witness drugs, unsafe sex, and, indeed, suicide...these things are often treated as "don't do this, but we don't want to talk about it" subjects.

There's a lot of lure to living in the shadows. Shining a light on them drives them away and makes us far better-informed to make a decision.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Use it as an opening if you can. I have several friends I could talk to if my depression ever got that bad again, and talking is essential. I could because I know they'll hear me calmly and help with crisis management if necessary.

Toronto has erected suicide barriers along one of its worst bridges. I think the city wanted to avoid cleaning up the parkway underneath. It does nothing to help desperate people.

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

this brings me back to the low points in my past when I saw suicide as the only viable option. Randy and I then exchanged a few emails, mostly because I had not mentioned this to him. I think he now has a better understanding, with his initial reaction was "how can anyone be that low?".

so today has been one of reflection, reliving, but also thanksgiving. for realizing how fortunate I am today. for so many aspects of my life that have come together.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I've been in a similar place. It's important to have friends we feel we can talk to, who can listen without judgment and help manage the crisis. I have that now, which makes those feelings less frightening. It sounds like you're coming into a more positive space as well, which is good news.

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

i have reassured him that was the past. i don't plan on going down that road ever again. however, it is part of who I am today, if that makes sense.

[susandennis]

I believe we must respect an individual’s choice and responsibility for his or her own life. We can offer love and support to those around us. We must also let them go.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I believe this with every fiber of my being. To do this is the greatest gift. To not do this is so very disrespectful.

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

How can anyone measure another's pain? That's what I always ask myself. How can I know?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yesterday detailbear posted a thorough description of what Goody was going through; some things he probably had told no one else. It's still difficult for anyone else to imagine, but at least his friends have the facts.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

People are quick to jump to conclusions without all the evidence. I'm glad detailbear's post yesterday clarified what Goody was going through.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I remember your recent post on this topic. I heartily agree!

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry to hear this. Thinking good thoughts for him and you and everyone else affected by this sad event.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I didn't even know about Theatrebear or his journal until yesterday when a post about his suicide was posted.
Anyway, it's very sad to hear of someone taking their own life.

I've had a few brief thoughts over a year ago but that's as close as it ever has come for me so in some small way, I do understand.

This reminds me of a story I heard years ago at a church conference of an adolescent boy who never got love at home but somehow managed to experience it elsewhere and one day, took his own life at his parents home by hanging I think from the stairway so his parents would see him hanging there when they got home.

If I recall, they were anquished over why he would do this and it was I think revealed he had experienced love but never got it at home.

I recall it profoundly affected me then and the story has stuck with me ever since.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Of course that is a very different situation. Sometimes people kill themselves in such a way as to upset those around them, partly an act of vengeance I suppose. Clearly Goody didn't intend to hurt anyone else, he only wanted relief from his own pain.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Woody relieving his pain is, I'm sure what he was intending but still this story came to mind anyhow.